Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2 - Page 229
Page 229 of 257 FirstFirst ... 129 179 219 227 228 229 230 231 239 ... LastLast
Results 3,421 to 3,435 of 3845
  1. #3421
    Resident
    Join Date
    Jan 7, 2014
    Posts
    460
    Mentioned
    236 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    Menikah itu tidak seindah drakor apalagi sinetron. Harus bersedia ketemu dua resiko, langgeng selamanya atau pisah.

    Langgeng banyak naik turunnya, tapi berdua. Kalo sendirian mah ya cape mending single aja sekalian.
    Pisah juga ada cerai mati atau hidup.

    Kalau pilihan pertama ngga pake diajarin segalanya terlihat indah, tidur bedua makan bedua. Mugkin lupa kalau abis tidur harus cuci baju dan cuci piring bedua juga.
    Banyak yang ngga dibekelin untuk pilihan kedua karena selalu, ih apaan sih baru nikah uda mikir kaya gitu. Padahal ini pelajaran penting untuk tetap bertahan di atas kaki sendiri dan ngga boleh sama sekali ngarep sama manusia. Suami hanyalah manusia biasa.


    Persiapan menikah itu penting, doa yang baik apalagi. Tapi lebih penting waras dalam memilih imam semasa hidup. Suka sekali tetap diingatkan emak2 tegar disini.

  2. #3422
    Lurker
    Join Date
    Jul 15, 2019
    Posts
    4
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    Life is too short kalau dibikin pusing, jadi kadang ada problem ya dijalanin aja, pusing jg kalau sama pasangan ada aja masalah.

    Jadinya aku refreshing deh ini lumayan ngilangin beban di pikiran & capek-nya bdan

    Kemarin jumat 12 Juli 2019
    Coba cari di Instagram untuk pijat/massage akhirnya ketemu Instagram/IG : sensualmassage_and
    Dm ke IG nya, dan minta contact, disuruh add line setelah itu coba aku call ke apartemen ku di daerah jakarta barat untuk 2 jam, penilaian keseluruhan massage-nya enak, baik, sensasi-nya beda & ganteng yang message-nya atletis gitu (Chinese Jawa)

    Finally tidur dengan enak & nyenyak, badan-ku seger kembali 😍 cobain sis
    Last edited by Susivee; Jul 16, 2019 at 01:44 PM.

  3. #3423
    Citizen
    Join Date
    Aug 8, 2010
    Location
    jakarta
    Posts
    1,881
    Mentioned
    196 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    I wish i will never ever post anything in this treat but well...

    Masalah2 sebelumnya udah selesai and we moving on and I thought we're trying our best to make this relationship works.

    But now, I'm sitting in hospital waiting room alone. Waiting my hubby who's having surgery and his phone vibrate... Surprise... Surprise... It dating app notification.

    Idk what to do... Now just stupidly waiting him.

  4. #3424
    Permanent Resident
    Join Date
    Sep 8, 2012
    Posts
    567
    Mentioned
    275 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content just want to send you hugsssss karena postingnya sedih banget n sound so lonely Hidden Content ( yang sabar ya, lupa kasusnya kmrn apa aja but just want to send quick message that you're not alone and there must be someone else having problem like you too. Tar advice2 keren lainnya kayanya dr mak2 lain yg baca abis ini xoxo

  5. #3425
    Lurker
    Join Date
    Nov 2, 2013
    Posts
    22
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    hi @Hidden Content , ga tau mau bilang apa but i want to hug you now Hidden Content ((
    aku batu nikah 2 tahun, baru makin kerasa makin kesini nyatuin perbedaan demi perbedaan itu sulit ya.
    semoga aku kuat ngejalaninya

  6. #3426
    Immigrant
    Join Date
    Dec 21, 2012
    Posts
    149
    Mentioned
    96 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content ini soal acceptance sih, bukan karena suami berbeda trus maksain jadi sama ama kita.
    Memang sulit sih. coba turunin ekspektasi, biasanya jadi lebih bisa nerimo.

  7. #3427
    Newcomer
    Join Date
    Aug 11, 2016
    Location
    Jakarta
    Posts
    72
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    mak @Hidden Content , sori yah aku sampe baca trail curhatan2 kamu sebelumnya sebelum merespon. Aku tanya dulu, suamimu sudah melakukan apa saja untuk memperbaiki hubungan kalian? Apakah ngambek2an doi dikurangin atau benar2 hilang? Sikap childish-nya sudah berangsur berubah jadi lebih dewasa? Are you guys communicating better now?
    Kalau memang doi menggunakan dating app, harus ditanyakan kenapa dia sampai mau melakukan itu, mau alasannya cuma iseng doang atau serius ya itu sudah benar2 kelakuan yang egois dan tidak menghargai kamu sama sekali,
    Kalau aku di posisi kamu aku akan tanya dan konfrontasi, pada intinya show him that this is so not right and you don't deserve this.

  8. #3428
    Citizen
    Join Date
    Aug 8, 2010
    Location
    jakarta
    Posts
    1,881
    Mentioned
    196 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content & @Hidden Content thanks dear.... It's means alot for me

    @Hidden Content
    Kami ke marriage counselor twice a month, for the last 6 months. Itupun perjuangan bgt krn hubby nolak bgt dan berasa bener sendiri dan nganggep ke counselor itu buat ngebenerin gw, bukan "kita". Dia mikir gw lg quarter life crisis, hasil diagnosis dese sendiri he indeed psikolog btw 😒

    Pertemuan pertama sama counselor malah dese sibuk nge judge si counselor, bilang si counselor subjektif lah.. gw drama lah.. overreacting lah.. kurang effort lah.. sampe komplain karena gw ngeluarin unek2 gw, dibilangnya gw ngejelek2in dia 🤔

    It's takessss really slow progress, i dont even comfortable to stay in same room with him. We act like stranger in the same home, and to be honest I feels like it is the best for us and sadly I enjoy it alots. We rarely talk to eachother. Kalo diminta gw ngurangin ego.. ajak komunikasi... Aduh... Boro2 ego.. harga diri aja udah tinggal kenangan kali... Tiap gw ngomong dibalikin, diserang, gw kasih feedback 1, dibales komplain 100, bukannya bahas feedback dr gw... Malah jadi bahas komplainan dia satu per satu dan ga ada bahas yg gw komplain krn harus dianggap IMPASS

    For example :
    Gw komplain ttg kunci yg dia lock dr dalem, jd gw ga bisa buka pintu dr luar, krn kunci nge gantung dr dalem.
    Gw : tolong next nya kalo abis ngunci dr dalem dicabut ya... Biar aku ga perlu manggil kamu buat bukain pintu.
    Him : alah... Kamu juga pernah lupa tuh... Aku ga komplain... Tuh laci sepatu penuh, kamu ga rapihin, kamu beli sepatu baru ya? Belanja mulu? Ga nabung lagi? Ngapain sih buang2 duit buat fashion? Butuh banget up to date biar dapet approval dr orang lain? And on and on and on and on.....

    Ttg yg ODS notification.. I decided to let it be... I think it will be the best for me, at least for now

    I wont lie, it's hurt... But I lost hope anyway...

  9. #3429
    Citizen jitachan's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 12, 2014
    Location
    indonesia
    Posts
    1,137
    Mentioned
    825 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content
    sebenarnya usia pernikahan gak bisa jadi ukuran sih menurut gw. kalo gak cocok ya gak cocok aja, kalo gak nyambung ya gak nyambung aja, mau ditunggu sampe belasan ato puluhan tahun juga bakal sama ato malah worse. masalahnya ada effort perbaikan gak di antara kalian berdua? kalo gak ada, datang ke konselor juga percuma. apalagi kalian udah saling gak nyaman di satu ruangan yg sama, pasti sex life kalian juga otomatis memburuk, kan? padahal itu penting buat kalian berdua, terutama mungkin laki2 ya. mungkin itu juga yang bikin suami lo install dating apps. jadi bisa kebayang kan apa yg dilakukan suami lo di luar sana? sori, bukan maksud nakut2in, but it's the real fact. lo yakin mau mempertahankan rumah tangga seperti ini? at some point lo pasti akan capek dan kehabisan bensin karna effort sepihak. trust me.. been there done that. gw pernah divorced dengan pernikahan 5 tahun, tapi rusaknya udah bertahun2. ketika gw usaha untuk pertahankan ya tetap gak bisa karna mantan suami gw do nothing to fix us. hubungan itu kan dijalani berdua, it takes two to tango, jadi gak ada fix you ato fix me, adanya fix us. karna bukan pribadi masing2nya aja yg harus diperbaiki, tapi lebih ke hubungan berduanya. di situ ada komponen kompromi, di mana masing2 gak harus merubah pribadi diri tapi mencari win win solution yg sehat dan harmonis. only my two cents.. sorry kalo terdengar menggurui, sekedar sharing pengalaman aja. gw ikut prihatin dengan kondisi rumah tangga lo dan sangat berharap para perempuan bisa punya sikap untuk dirinya. bukan untuk melawan tapi untuk memilih yg terbaik untuk dirinya. stay strong, mak.

  10. #3430
    Newcomer
    Join Date
    Aug 11, 2016
    Location
    Jakarta
    Posts
    72
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content hmm... dari yang aku baca sih say, usaha untuk memperbaiki hubungan cuma datang dari kamu mak.. suamimu masih gak bergeming. sudah datang ke counselor pun suamimu mu masih defensif, tidak mau bekerja sama. padahal logikanya kan counselor itu a licensed profession ya, memang tidak perlu dipertanyakan lagi subjektif/ objektifnya,

    Sekarang kita balik aja deh ke intinya basic untuk pernikahan itu pada dasarnya untuk apa mak.. ketentraman, kedamaian, keturunan, pahala, ibadah, diantaranya. dan apakah kamu mendapatkan semua itu dari pernikahan ini?

    Jawabannya semua ada di dirimu mak, karena yang bisa menentukan kebahagiaanmu ya dirimu sendiri, bukan orang lain.

    Untuk bisa menyelesaikan masalah-masalah dalam pernikahan diperlukan kerja sama suami dan istri, bukan hanya sepihak saja, sama2 introspeksi diri, sama2 cari jalan bagaimana biar masalah diselesaikan. ibarat kamu lari ya kamu lari di tempat, kamu ga mencapai tujuan kemanapun, kalau kamu sendiri yang berjuang memperbaiki semua masalah, sementara pihak yang satunya (suami) apatis atau malah bikin masalah baru.

    Banyak2 berdoa Mak, minta petunjuk Tuhan apa yang harus kamu lakukan, and really, really, think about what is it that u search for in this marriage. whatever it is, always make sure you are happy too. life is too short dear. don't spend it being unhappy.

    *multiple hugs

  11. #3431
    NewcomerCitizen lluvia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 9, 2010
    Location
    lalaland
    Posts
    2,089
    Mentioned
    435 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content

    I think you already know the answer..
    how long you gonna keep denying your truth is up to you.. you and only you can decide what to do with it.

    lu sndri sudah analysa your marriage and husband..
    I read all your previous posts about your relationship.. even the ones when you guys were still dating.. and one thing is clear to me as an outsider reading your stories.. even from the very beginning, you guys were never an equal.

    ofcourse hindsight is 20/20.. but the signs has always been there.. the kinda man he was and still is.. how he treated and still treats you..

    I'm maybe completely wrong, but I have the feeling that your husband never see you as his equal.. he's the been the dominant one (dictator) in this relationship.

    I know you've tried.. in my opinion you've bend over backwards to accommodate to him.. but the truth is, if you really are honest with yourself.. your efforts are never good enough for him is it?

    you were, are and never will be good enough for him.

    not because you're not good enough.. but because in his eyes he's always been better thn you.. he's smarter thn you, more capable thn you, wiser and holier than thou mentally he always had over you.

    he doesn't feel lucky to have you.. you're the one that should be grateful.. take it or leave it attitude.

    in every ways, every logics and arguments.. he's superior.. he knows better.. he's always right.

    mau itu soal finance, career, lifestyle, taking care of puppy.. even your past.. you are bellow him.. so he feel entitled to control and mold you.

    don't get me wrong, he's not all bad.. even a narcissist like him pasti ada bagusnya.. (yeah your husband is an obvious classic narcissist.. ironic as a shrink he doesn't recognize himself)

    you're not a blind idiot.. there's things about him that are good or make you feel good.. things about him that your respect, admire or motivate you to become better.. that's why you chose him.. fight for him.. and stay.

    but deep down you know.. you've always known.. it's one sided.
    your relationship is not balanced.. mskpn you're willing to do your part.. but he wont.. why should he, he can play "god" here.

    I'm writing this not to blame you.. we all "make mistakes", we ignored signs and warnings.. it happens.. and it's ok.. it's part of our learning and growing process.

    what important is what we do after that?
    do we continue and "pertahankan" this path of suffering till the very bitter end.. or do we actually learn, grow and make new beginning?

    I have no advice for you marriage issues.. if even the pro can't help you guys.. what can an amateur like me say?

    as a woman however, I really hope you find the courage to face your truth.

    because that's the one thing we can never escape, our truth.
    so many unhappiness in this world is because ppl keep lying to others and specially themselves.

    and I hope you do it sooner thn later.. meskipun gada kata terlambat, but time is ticking.. you're not getting younger.. as a woman, as we age, is not gonna get easier to find that special person.

    banyak org liat fakta ini sebagai alasan tuk bertahan in a bad relationship/marriage.. for me malah kebalikannya!

    because I know this, I'll never waste my youth on someone that's wrong for me.. I'll never settle down for anything less than "The One".. and he's the one I wanna grow old with.

    I've never been divorced, but I've been in a long time relationship, lived together and ended it.. because he was not The One.

    when my friends was already getting married and have kids, I was still "fooling around".. I searched and searched.. until I was sure.

    bahkan setelah gw dah yakin seyakin2nya.. klo pun suami gw skrng become a jerk.. I will leave him.. and not waste umur gw yg terbatas and bertambah tua trs ini ama dia.

    because I know that it's not gonna get easier for me.. I will not get younger, healthier, stronger or more beautiful with age..
    the me today is the best me I will ever be.. so I won't waste my best with the worst.

    this is not ageism.. this is fact.
    ladies, value your time.. your youth while you have it.

    I rather be "struggling" in my 20, 30 or 40 finding Mr.Right.. drpd I have to do that in my 50 and above.

    not saying when we're old its lost cause.. but the chance is getting smaller with the years.. because our strength, health and even our "heart" is getting weaker.. palagi if we spend all of our "good years" with a bad man.

    trust me, you can spend millions on creams, eat only healthy food and exercise till you drop.. if the one next to you is bad for you, you will feel and look bad.

    even research has shown that "loneliness" is really damaging to our mental and physical health.

    and a bad marriage can feel more lonely thn being alone..
    personally I think I've a better chance being single and finding the right one.. thn being alone together stuck with the wrong one.

    when we young is the time to invest our time wisely.. it's the time to "work hard & smart".. soal apapun, termasuk our love life.. so we can have a peaceful old age.

    when my hairs are grey and bones are brittle.. I want a good man next to me to hold my hand.. and a man I actually love and LIKE to take care of.

    even now you can't stand to share the same air as your husband.. imagine up to 50 more years of that.. being old together and mungkin sakit2an.. asking help from him.. or you helping him.. hating and resenting this grumpy arrogant old man.. like living with an annoying roommate till we die Hidden Content

    when we're old and it's too late to hope and dream.. all that's left will be regrets.. "if only I listened to myself.. if only I had the courage.. if only... "

    know when we have to cut our losses.. or we will keep loosing!
    the hero's journey is not a story of perfection.. it's about self reflection, redemption and growth.

    some ppl are not meant to stay in our lives forever.. they are temporary to teach us a lesson.. perhaps your husband is not "pelabuhan terakhir"

    the world is a big place and round for a reason.. we might get lost along the way.. but we could never fall off from it..

    so sail on.. don't be afraid.. it's ok.. it's gonna be ok.. Hidden Content
    just like the stars, let your truth be your guide.. dont despair.. you're not alone.. there's someone outhere who is looking at the same stars.

    despite the big waves and heavy storms.. thinking I'll be alone forever in this endless sea.. I keep following my stars and finally found my home.. God is good.

    while some ppl are afraid to drown and settle down for a piece of barren rock island.. I rather keep swimming till I can't swim anymore.. in life, especially in love.. it's all or nothing for me.

    the world is for those who dare..

    "Life, breathtakingly beautiful."


  12. #3432

    Join Date
    Jan 1, 1970
    Posts
    0
    Mentioned
    Post(s)
    Tagged
    Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content
    Yapp aku setuju dgn pendapat mu.

    @Hidden Content
    Semoga lu di beri kemudahan yaa
    Saran mak mak disini udahh topp
    Big hug stay strong. And lets move

    Btw share aja aku setelah baca baca tret ini belajar lebih open dan mnyuarakan apa yang aku mau sama suami. Kita saling diskusi buat ambil jalan yg sama sama enak. Enak kaya gitu daripada dipendam pendam ya... Aku jadi lebih happy walau kadang emang sat diskusi alot tapi nanti pasti hafal dan tau titik pasangan kita masing2.
    Nah budaya buat open ke pasangan ini yang menurutku kurang di Beberapa temenku.
    Mereka gak enak lah nanti kalau malah marahan.
    Mereka ngalah lah dalam hati.
    Mereka dongkol tapi gak di solusikan.
    Yapp bakal kaya gitu sampe tua nanti. 😁
    Temenku nikah 5 taun aja kalau lg dongkol sm suami yaaa kaya gitu stress sendiri dan suami nya happy happy aja. Beberapa temenku juga kaya gitu tp gak ada solusi.

  13. #3433
    Immigrant Silky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 5, 2011
    Posts
    170
    Mentioned
    103 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content
    @Hidden Content
    @Hidden Content
    @Hidden Content

    Thank you ladies for your thoughts. It took me a month untuk memberanikan diri baca reply-an semua. Karena I feel terrible and guilty sama anakku. Kemana aja aku selama ini?

    Sekarang I’m ready untuk urus perceraian, walaupun suami masih nentang. Herannya, dia bilang mau perbaiki diri, tapi kemaren gw dinas, tetep aja dia ambil duit tabungan kita bersama sampe jutaan. Padahal dia tau kan gw bs cek mutasi. Dan itu semua setelah gw bilang mau cerai, dan dia mohon-mohon ngga cerai dan janji berubah. Apa emang org drugs tuh gitu ya? Baru aja ngomong, besok berubah lagi, and I’m ao tired, it’s been 10 freakin years!!!!

    Sekarang dia salahin gw karena minta cerai saat anak udah mulai ngerti (she’s 5 yo). Katanya ini semua salah gw, kenapa kalo mau cerai gak dari dulu aja pas anak bayi. I told him ya because I wanna give you more chance, you b**tard!

    Semalem dia pelukan sama anak gw sambil nangis2an berdua and dia bilang ini semua kemauan mama, yang mau papa pindah ke rumah nenek dan ngga bisa tinggal bareng kamu. I was like, hellow now it’s all my fault?

    Dia sampe bilang mau ambil hak asuh anak, karena aku banyak dinas dan dia nggak mau anak aku tumbuh dengan didikan neneknya (mamaku) dan pembantu.

    Dia emang sering punya waktu main sama anakku, ya jelas aja lah aku lbh dikit waktunya karena aku kan kerja, dia kagak.

    Dia mau seminggu-seminggu, hell no banget gw kasih anak tinggal sama junkie. Walaupun dia tinggal sama keluarganya, still no, dengan alasan katanya gw terlalu sibuk kerja (ya mau makan dr mana kalo gw ga kerja?). Dan katanya anak gw gak keurus, demi masa depan anak, jadi gw harus relain dia tinggal sama papanya yang junkie dan ga punya kerjaan tetap.

    Yang gila di sini gw apa dia ya?

    Pokoknya dia sekarang dalam tahap membuat gw ragu apakah cerai is the best solution for us. Dan apakah I can survive being a single mom.

  14. #3434
    Newcomer
    Join Date
    Aug 11, 2016
    Location
    Jakarta
    Posts
    72
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content kalau mau ambil hak asuh anak, aku gak yakin dia akan dapat karena history dia memakai narkoba.

    Jangan sampai kamu merasa bersalah, Mak, justru apa yang kamu lakukan ini adalah untuk masa depan anakmu. Aku yakin suamimu akan terus bersikap pasif agresif, mengajukan banyak alasan biar kamu merasa bersalah dan gak jadi menceraikan dia.

    Aku yakin ga mudah untuk menjadi single parent, dan bercerai setelah bertahun-tahun membina rumah tangga, tapi yakin aja untuk anak pasti kamu bisa kuat Mak. Banyak-banyak berdoa ya.. stay strong.

  15. #3435
    Immigrant
    Join Date
    Dec 21, 2012
    Posts
    149
    Mentioned
    96 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content gw setuju ama yang lain. deep down you already know what you need to do.
    At least you had tried all you can before decided to give up.
    Maybe you should take vacation to find some peace.

    @Hidden Content being single mother itu indeed struggling.
    make sure you have a good support system dear. Tapi yang di situasi sekarang juga ga lebih baik.
    You keep the marriage then what your husband do? Ga jagain anak loe juga kan. cuman ksh hp doank, whats the meaning?

    Common buat yang bersalah itu play victim. Awalnya mungkin semua nya berasa sulit untukmu dan anakmu, tapi percaya lah, saat dewasa nanti anakmu ngerti siapa yang salah pada akhirnya.
    Untuk pekerjaan kamu mungkin kamu harus cari pekerjaan lain yang ga sering dinas.
    Karena di kondisi sekarang anakmu akan butuh kamu banget. Kalau kamu terlalu sering dinas, nanti dia bakal berasa kamu yang egois dan menyalahkan kamu dan itu ga bagus untuk pertumbuhan emosionalnya,

Page 229 of 257 FirstFirst ... 129 179 219 227 228 229 230 231 239 ... LastLast