Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

[marunius]

@Hidden Content : iya, tapi jujur gua takut. takut kalo nanti cerai, siapa yang bisa nafkahin gua, kalo jelek2nya kerjaan gua ga diperpanjang. belum lagi denger omongan orang2. apalagi sifat suami gua yang kaya gitu. kemaren aja pas gua minggat / minta putus pas pacaran, dia sampe nangis2 di depan keluarga besar gua. belum lagi ngancem mau bunuh diri. kan gua jadi stres sendiri bayanginnya.

Urusan rejeki berdoa ma berusaha, pasti Tuhan kasih jalan.
itu mah cuma drama dr suami mu aja, coba aja kl brani bunuh diri beneran.

[Oki_doki]

@Hidden Content gw juga mikir gt mak, karena secara hukum masih single mungkin ya, dan gak mungkinlah gw urus akta cerai, nikah aja belom.
Kalo ada emak2 punya info yg berkaitan sama masalah ini boleh share ya, aatau kemana ya kira2 kalo Cari info mengenai hal ini?

Kalo emang gak ada kaitan dengan hukum ya brarti skrg tinggal pembicaraan perpisahan gw aja sama suami ke keluarga besar, Wong gak urus dokumen apapun toh.

Mak @Hidden Content emang ngajarin buat jadi wanita tangguh banget, tapi gw masih belum bisa sekuat itu 😂😂😂 masih belajar dan berusaha, tapi gw mau melangkah, untuk masa depan gw sendiri, yg lebih baik. Thanks mak..

[olivivia3]

@Hidden Content

Kalau ini seandainya lo lagi curhat langsung di depan kita dalam sebuah ruangan, gue rasa ada beberapa jenis reaksi:
1. Yang hembusin nafas panjang, rolling her eyes dan mungkin pergi keluar ruangan
2. Yang diem aja dan menatap lo dengan iba tapi dalam pikirannya bertanya-tanya kok lo bisa begini
3. Yang mengguncang-guncang badan lo dengan drama dan ngomong depan muka lo "SADAR DONG BUUKKK!!"
4. Yang berusaha menyadarkan dengan segudang saran dan nasihat

Sekarang mungkin kebanyakan yang jenis pertama dan kedua hahaha
Karena jenis ketiga dan keempat udah muncul di page 187-188 (sekitaran itu kayaknya hasil gue ngubek tadi lol)
Jadi you can re-read those pages again, ato kalo lo males lo baca aja sharenya mak lluvia di page ini dan page sebelumnya.

Berhubung lo memilih untuk stay dengan segudang excuses, gue cuma bisa bilang ke lo (referring ke post lluvia tadi):
Sabar aja yaaaa.... Hidden Content Hidden Content Hidden Content

[lluvia]

Hidden Content
yes gw png lu jd perempuan tangguh!
but it's not up to me.. I'm just a cheerleader here Hidden Content

bukan krn lu deserve it.. tapi krn emg itu adalah hak lu.. hak smua manusia.. to be happy and have a life sesuai yg mrk inginkan.
BUT again ingat.. dibalik smua hak ada tanggung jawab.. kita tidak bisa menuntut hak kita, klo mengabaikan tanggung jawab kita.

and your responsibilities is to be the best version of you.. according to your own truths..
thn and only thn, you will get the best life has to offer.. yg sesuai dng yg lu inginkan.

I'm sorry to hear about your parents.. yeah mom and dad can messed us up.. "sins of the parents" and bla bla..
and many will use that as an excuse or justification to be the "loser" they have become .. not offending anyone loh ya, I was one of that loser Hidden Content

but thn I realize someting very powerful.. LETTING GO & FORGIVENESS.

gw pernah baca somewhere.. seorang anak blom akan bisa menjadi dewasa, menemukan dan menjadi jati diri dia sndri.. sampe dia bisa melepaskan ortunya.
arti "melepaskan" ortu di sini bukan hanya dlm arti being independent, kerja, tinggal sndri ato dah nikah ya.. tapi melepaskan secara emotional jg.

we all love our parents.. but many dont realize (or want to admit) that there are many more emotions we feel towards them..
and lets be honest, some of it are not good emotions.. like anger, resentment, hurts, disappointment, burden, guilt etc.

believe it or not, ini tuh wajar!
there's no such thing as a perfect family.. either mom&dad didnt love us enough, or love us too much.. whatever lahh..
ortu kita jg manusia dan yg pasti mrk itu tidak sempurna.. they have made mistakes.. and most likely will continue making mistakes as human being and as our parents.

but as kids, it is hard for us to accept it.. ortu kita adalah segalanya tuk kita (terutama waktu kita kecil, the crucial years of our development)
they are "Gods" in our eyes.. they are our first introduction to life and love.

and yes their "teaching" of life and love.. will be the first blueprint on how we think and feel about that subjects.
sadar ato ngga we all start life by copying our parent.. monkey see, monkey do.

your mom, well lets put it politely, is a tough woman.. she is hard on her children..
she does tend to play the blame and guilt cards to get what she wants.. or to justify her feelings and actions..
(my guess she had her share of her own "sadstories" in the past, that made her the person she is today)

and dearest.. do you realize that you are mimicking her game?
if you are not careful.. mskpn tidak 100% sama.. but secara mentalitas and attitude.. you will become like your mother.

but no worries.. krn sekarang lu udah punya KESADARAN.. about yourself.. who you are and want to be..
that's a good start.. and that is what you need to keep working on.. pertahankan itu.. dont slip back into your old habits/thinking.

back to your relationship with your mom.. love is a powerful emotion.. but hate could be more powerful, if we allow it.. if we give power to it..
I see a lot of "negativity" between you guys.. and those emotions are what keep dragging you down and holding you back.

often the shackles that restrict our growth and movements.. are our past, our fam, our own fear and thoughts.
we all have our own personal issues.. dont run from it, or you'll keep running.. deal with it, resolve it.. get it out of your system.

you need to let go of it.. this is important for your personal growth.
those emotional baggage and burden will keep you away from "flying the nest"
you need to let go of the hurts.. and the first step is by trying to forgive your mom.

stop blaming her, stop looking at her for excuses or justification.. stop giving what she did or still doing, power!
and start thinking that you are your own woman.. yg lalu ya lalu.. but from now on and in the future.. you are free!

why is forgiveness so important.. yg tulus or genuine ya.. yg bener2 memaafkan dari lubuk hati, bukan hanya lipservice doanq..
because it will give you PEACE.. and it will clear your heart from your own past baggage, trauma etc that weigh you down all this time..
your growth will be faster because you are lighter now.. you will have room for new and better emotions.. that will actually motivate you instead limit you.

you will have finally room for LOVE.
and love is everything.. the real power is love.. God is love.. and when we have love, we are with God.
when you are with God, you are never alone.. you are strong and powerful.. the fear, insecurities, doubts etc will fade away.. we will finally have faith in ourself.

my relationship with my parent was not easy either.. my dad was an abusive, cheating psycho.. huhuu..
my mom was the love of my life.. but God's knows she got her share of mental issues.

so I had to basically raised myself.. and often became the mother for my own mom..
my who dad who I also loved deeply (because all lil'girl love their dad), was an irresponsible jerk..
and all this had hurt and scarred me.. inti2nya I had "daddy/mommy issues" Hidden Content

when they split up and I became older.. I decided to cut all ties with my dad.. I hated him and blamed him for everything..
and I also grew distant with my mom.. she was emotionally exhausting and many of her actions has caused me to suffer.

I didint realize it back thn.. during those time I've been living with this black hole in my heart of hate that only grew bigger and bigger.
and it sucked all the good and positive things that enter.. until there was nothing more than just an empty loneliness, sadness and anger.

ofcourse I blame my unhappiness on my parents, past, other ppl, sikon etc.. it became this vicious circles.. where negativity feed more on negativity..
but strangely even tho I was unhappy, I did feel powerful.. because hate can be a powerful emotion.. even more thn love, if we let it.

Hitler raised to power using hate.. and many others powerful ppl used this tactic.. it's much easier to inspire hate&fear thn love&hope.
and ppl buy into this.. sure Hitler was evil.. but there were thousands that supported his ideology and millions of ppl that allowed him.

many of us are attracted or cling on to negative emotion.. why, because it's easier?
easier to blame others.. thn actually taking personal responsibility and accoutability.
easier to give into fears.. thn thinking we can do be better and thn actually have to do better.

negativity, it sells.. but there's other way loh ternyata.. we do have a choice..

forgiveness is hard.. especially forgiving our parents..
and perhaps it kinda sounds arrogant.. "maafin ortu? huh kesannya ky anak durhaka yg ga tau berterimakasih.. anak kurang ajar lu!" Hidden Content

no child want to be anak durhaka.. so the option of forgiving their parents doesnt even cross their mind.. mskpn sebernya they need it..
the truth is.. we all can pretend to be the good daughters/son all we want.. but if our hearts doesnt feel that way.. we will always be conflicted.

so start being honest.. mskpn akan di kutuk or whatever Hidden Content
ga usah honest ke ortu langsung if you can do it.. but jujur aja dulu ke diri sndri..

"Yes my parent was or still is this and that.. and I'm not wrong or durhaka to feel that way..
and this and that has affect or impact me so and so.. so now what?
do I want to continue blaming and hating them in my heart.. or do I choose to let go and forgive?
which option will benefit me the most? what do I choose now?"

forgiveness is not about membenarkan mrk yg salah ya.. it's not about saying "oh what you did was ok.".. salah ya tetep salah..
but it's about letting go.. letting go of that toxic that has been eating away your soul.. letting go of that power they had over you..
letting go of the past.. so you can move on with your future.

as much I think "I am right" and my parents were wrong.. it didnt made me happy.
and tho I thought I was strong.. but really I was weak.. I was not the person I could be.. that was not the best version of me.

life is about evolving.. evolving adalah hukum alam.. see all around you.. bukan manusia aja, all of nature is about progression or regression..
so in life we've two choices where to go.. do we grow or wither? do we go forward or go back? standing still is not an option.

we have our individual evolving to do.. but we also need to remember that in the grand scheme of things, we are just another version of our previous generation..
anggap manusia itu adalah software.. nenek moyang kita adalah version 1.0.. dan ortu kita adalah versi 100.1.. we as their kids are version 100.2

dan klo ngomong secara logika.. versi mana yg seharusnya lebih bagus, yg lebih terupdate and lesser bugs? our parents of us?
seharusnya yg newer lebih bagus ya drpd yg older.. but sadly yg newer malah sering kali yg less stable, got newer bugs etc.

why? because many of us dont work on improving our version.
we are so hung up on what we think we are, because who our parents are/were.. all we do is copying them.. sadar ga sadar ya..
instead what we actually should be doing.. and those are "bug-fixing" and evolving to become a better version.

klo ortu kita banyak "bugs" nya.. itu wajar.. they are the older version.. and there's nothing we can do about it juga..
but klo kita "versi terbaru", masih sama kacaunya ky mrk.. or become worst.. that our own fault!

sadarin that each version of software have their own "programmer"
kita bukan progammer ortu kita (we cant change them).. and ortu kita jg programmer software kita..
sure they gave us the basic.. here's the old codes etc.. but after that, it is up to us!

we dont need to stick to old outdated codes.. klo ga suka, klo berantakan.. rombak, write new rules, codes etc!
be different, it's ok.. harus malah.. what's the point klo sama? just repeating the same things over and over again?


..bersambung ke bawah

[lluvia]

Hidden Content
..sambungan dr atas

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”

the society is where it's today, because ppl keep choosing old stupid ways and thinking.. krn "ortu kita know better!" ..that BS!
I'm not saying the older generation dont have wisdom, but they dont have all the answer jg.. if they did, dunia udah jadi surga Hidden Content

humanity havent really evolved that much.. sure our technology has advanced.. but mentally, emotionally and ethically.. we still have poverty, crime, injustice etc.
that's prove that the generation before us, havent got it 100% right yet.. there's still room for improvement..
so it's not wrong, it's wise malah.. if we choose to do things slightly different now.

the point of our existence is to evolve.. to become better.. by changing.. and changing adalah hukum alam.
and you dont even have to change all the world.. all you need to do is change "your world"
if everyone do that.. can you imagine the collective change we can have to the world?

I know tulisan gw kemana2.. huhuhu.. all I want to let ppl know is the tremendous power we all have (as an individual and as a collective)
if we choose it.. choose to use it and use it correctly.

sadly many still chose wrong.. and I'm not here to preach about what is wrong or right..
kita smua berbeda, we all have our own unique journey.. I'm not here to impose my will on others.. you do you!

but if your journey is making you unhappy or bringing you misery.. that should be a clear WARNING sign that you are on the wrong path..
dont ignore it.. if you do and you crash and burn.. it would have been your choice.

so take notice, be honest and listen to that lil' voice of "unhappiness" inside you..
it's there not to blame or judge you koq.. it's just telling you that someting is wrong..
perhaps this life you've chosen isnt the right choice for you? so how about making new choices?

your mom and fam will always be a big part of your life.. but they are not your life.. not who you are.

I'm eternally grateful for my mom.. even my dad.. not only because they gave me life..
itu kan yg biasanya org bilang.. "ortu lu dah kasih lu nyawa, berterima kasih!" Hidden Content

nahh.. klo pun bukan dr mrk, somehow if God's willing, pasti gw akan nongol koq di dunia ini.. life will always find a way.. hihihi..
I'm grateful because mskpn mrk ga sempurna.. I know, I choose to believe.. dng segala kekurangan mrk, they did tried their best..
and that, should be good enough for me.. that is all I need to start.. the rest is up to me now.

dan justru krn bagus dan jelek mrk.. they have been my biggest most important teachers.
their lives has been an real life examples for me.. the person they are, their actions and the consequences that comes from it.

they have their lives.. now I have mine.. and in my life, I've decide to take the good things and improve the bad..
I'll take my mom smile, cheerfulness, generosity, optimism, free-spirit and fearlessness.. I'll leave her lebayness and mental instability..
I'll take my dad intellect, charm, strength, willpower and ketegasan.. and I'll leave his temper and sociopath tendencies.. huhuhu..

it was perfect.. it is perfect.. my parent are perfect as they are.. it is as it meant to be..
I am humble and grateful.. if it wasnt for them there will be no lluvia.. well not the lluvia we know and love today Hidden Content

perhaps if I got a different parent, I would have became a different lluvia.. perhaps better or worst lluvia.. but life is not about "what if.."
it is what it is.. "It's not about the cards you're dealt, but how you play the hand."

they have teach me how to be or not to be.. what I want and dont want.
the good and bad in this world.. I have seen them tru my parent eyes.. in how they've lived their lives and stories.
and I'll learn from the bad stuffs.. so I dont have to experience it or make the same mistakes as they did.

really, what more could you ask for?

my parents also didnt finance my college education.. no brother/sister of other relatives that would sponsor me..
did that makes things harder for me? sure.. but now I think about it.. I'm grateful for the opportunity to have been able to prove myself.
it was just another life challenge to overcome and learn from.. and it made me stronger (and hopefully wiser)

and my life turn out alright koq.. great malah!
in comparison.. when my mom was my age now.. she was a single mother struggling to raise 2 kids..
while I now have it much better than she had.. that is prove that she raised a daughter that can become better that she was!
that despite her imperfections, she did raised me well.. and did her job as my mother.

it's all about perspective and point of view.. and again, how we see things.. those are our own choices to make also.
the way we choose to see our parents and fams.. which is basically our foundations, our world.. will be also be the foundations how we see everything else.

gw ga punya anak.. but I imagine if I do have one, I would make many stupid mistakes too..
God, she/he will probably be a more annoying brat thn I was.. and still am Hidden Content

but I hope that my kid know that I do try my best.. because I do believe all mothers do their best.. the best they know how..
and for all my flaws, I hope they forgive me and learn from it.. so they can be the next newer and better version.. and so on.

there's nothing more my mom can give me.. dng arti she has done her job.. I can fly on my own now.. and I am.
so gw jg tidak akan meminta atau menuntut apa2 lg dr beliau.. mau itu past, present of future.. what's done is done..
all there is left to love each other.. unconditionally like she loves me.. I owe her that.. no, I want that.. and I chose to do just that.

it's a selfish reason.. for me love is a much better emotion thn hate, irritation or whatever lah we sometimes feel for our parents Hidden Content
and I want to be the kinda person that is capable to at least be loving, kind and positive about my own parent..
if I preach love, I need to walk the talk.

bukan berarti gw harus slalu nurut, patuh ato setuju ama beliau ya.. hey I still agree to disagree with her 99% of the time Hidden Content
but no matter what, we always love each other.. she is my mom, no matter how cray cray she can be.. hihihi..

my dad has passed away.. so itu sih udah done deal juga.. but I'm glad that I forgave him and mended our relationship while he was still alive..
so I have no regretz.. as his child I've done my part.. I've showed him, mskpn he didnt raised me.. but what darah daging dia berhasil lakukan..
and that is to be a better version of him.. sure we still had our "butting-heads moments", but I know he was very proud of me.. because I was me, lluvia, my own person.. and I did well.

we cant really choose who our parents are.. but we can choose the relationship we have with them.

our parents is our first life lessons in love, forgiveness and growing up..
they're a measurement chart yg bisa mengukur capabilitas dan kedewasaan kita and where we are in life..
bukan ortu kita yg mengukur kita, dimata mrk kita akan slalu diliat sebagai anak kecil mrk.. tapi kita sndri yg bisa mengukur (klo kita sadar)

it's normal to blame our parent if we are still a kid.. children dont have the power..
but if an adult is still doing that.. artinya apa?

klo kita blom bisa "lulus" the test with our parent.. if we still have many hang-ups about them..
it will be very difficult tuk bisa jalanin the next fase of our life.. and that is having romantic love, marriage etc..
because basically we will still think and act like a child.. we havent really grow up yet.

our relationship with our parents is our FIRST LOVE.
and like most first love, is big.. is impactful, sometimes even heartbreaking.. it can set the tone/course for the rest of our love life..
tapi klo kita mau bisa move on ke cinta yg selanjutnya.. dng pemikiran yg lebih sehat dan dewasa.. we have to be able to learn from it and let go.

jng masih stuck ama "mantan" juga Hidden Content
forgive mantan kita mskpn dia dah tinggalin kita kawin ma org lain.. show them we can do better.
the best "revenge" is living well.

so ber-damai lah.. iklaskan..
let go.. its simple.. just let go of the trauma, drama and karma BS.. enough no more.. you have no more power over me!

and you'll find hidup ini akan terasa lebih ringan.. and everything will look brighter and clearer..
when you raised your perspective and point of view.. your level in life will also rise.

jadilah org yg berhati dan berjiwa besar.. dimulai dng ortu kita sndri..
you, be the parent you wished to have when you was a kid..

masih ingat pertanyaan org waktu kita kecil dulu: "Klo dah gede mo jadi apa?"
now is your chance.. to be the kinda person you liked, admire, respected, wanted to be.. be that person!

whenever I sliped back into my old negative thinking.. it's easy to fall back into negativity.. the darkside is always tempting Hidden Content
I'll look and say at myself: "Come on lluvia, remember the person you want to be.. this is not you.. you are better!"
stop thinking of what the pain has done to me.. but how despite the pain, I'm still standing.. I am greater thn my ups and downs.

I wont give my demons any room to grow.. I wont feed them..
the child in me, the lil' lluvia.. will always remind me.. of the adult I want to be.. choose to be..
and that's to be happy beautiful ppl.. now it's my chance to be just that.. and I can.. I'm actually doing it! Hidden Content

isnt life amazing?!

there's noting more satisfiying thn to be able to wake up every morning feeling truly free, grateful and just loving your life, yourself and those around you..
and that joy of living, I wish it for everybody.. we all share what we have.. when what we have is love, that's what we'll share to the world.. and that what you'll get back.

gutluck bu Hidden Content

[lluvia]

Hidden Content
hahahaha.. bisa aja lu Hidden Content

well lemme see.. in real life, I'll probably choose option 1
mending gw ngopi2 cantik.. dprd buang2 nafas.. helping someone that doesnt wanna listen..
but if the person is a close friend or adek gw.. paling gw tabokin pk sendal sekalian spy sadar Hidden Content

but I do have someting to say to Hidden Content
take it or leave it ya bu.. kita disini hanya png membantu.. but it's all up to you Hidden Content

so this is your situation:

- lu bertahan dng laki lu krn dng harapan jika seandainya suatu saat lu ga berpenghasilan, dia akan nafkahin lu?
- lu berharap jika saat keadaan lu menjadi lebih buruk drpd skrng, dia akan bertanggung jawab menghidupi lu?

itu diatas adalah HARAPAN lu ya.. nah sekarang kita ngomong FAKTA yg udah jelas:

- sekarang aja saat elu masih ada kerjaan, suami lu sikap nya udah jelek ky gitu.
- sekarang aja dia udah jadi suami yg ga nafkahin dan ga bertanggung jawab.
- sekarang aja dia (dan kel dia) udah cari2 alasan tuk ngerendahin dan mengekang lu.

nahh menurut fakta yg ada sekarang, harapan lu tuk suami di masa depan masuk akal ga?
gimana kemungkinan besar sikap dia klo elu dah ga punya dan bisa apa2?

so lu berharap sesuatu yg baik akan terjadi dimasa depan..
kpd seorang lelaki yg sekarang aja udah terbukti ga baik?

sorry bu.. gw bener2 mencoba to say thing nicely.. but really?!!
lu sndri bisa liat ga klo "itung2an" lu tuh ga masuk akal?
elu mimpi ato mabok?
pemikiran lu diatas mnrt gw udah cukup "naive".. (and that's politely put) Hidden Content
tapi yg lebih blow my mind adalah.. lu sadar gimana lu memposisikan dan menghargai diri lu sndri?

kita smua punya alasan kita masing2 lah kenapa kita menikah atau bertahan dlm pernikahan..
and gw ga mau judge itu.. tapi sadarin satu hal yg penting:

kita bebas memilih.. tapi kita tidak bebas dari konsekwensi pilihan kita!

smua pilihan kita akan ada konsekwensinya... sebab akibat.

ok skrng kita ngomong soal PILIHAN LU dan KONSEKWENSI dr pilihan lu itu:

elu adalah seorang istri yg memilih tuk bertahan dng suami krn mengharapan suatu saat setidaknya akan ada yg bisa nafkahin lu..
kesimpulan gw ya: pilihan lu krn UUD (Ujung-Ujungnya Duit)

so elu bersedia tuker kebahagian lu, waktu dan tenaga lu, umur lu dan masa depan lu, dan badan lu.. tuk duit?
dan mengingat sikap/karakter suami lu.. itu duit yg blom tentu lu akan dapetin jg!

sekarang aja laki lu pelit dan masih porotin lu.. gimana nanti coba?
what yg penting lu bisa makan? dia kasih lu indomie ama atap doanq bagi lu akan cukup?
ehh drpd gitu, sini kerja ama kel gw aja gmn.. ada yg butuh babysitter.. setidaknya lu akan digaji dan ga harus tidur ama siapa2 Hidden Content

it this all just about money? or "financial securities"
ngelamar jadi pns aja napa? dapet pensiun loh.. tuh pilihan yg lebih masuk akal klo mau png punya "financial safety-net"

klo lu bertahan ama suami hanya krn itung2an duit.. do you know what that makes you?

maaf ya bu.. kita ngomong blak2an aja.. seorang pelacur aja dibayar tuk jasanya.. dan bayaran itu pasti (bukan harapan ato impian)
dan dia hanya harus kasih badannya doanq.. dia ga harus terima dikata2in ama clientsnya.. ato stay ama dia seumur hidup.

seorang pelacur akan diperlakukan sprt seorang pelacur.. sama sprt seorang dokter misalnya akan diperlakukan sprt dokter.. etc..
itu adalah akibat (konsekwensi) dr role (posisi) yg mrk telah pilih.

elu adalah seorang ISTRI.. salah satu posisi yg paling terhormat.. di mata masyarakat, di mata negara, bahkan di mata Tuhan.
tapi kenapa, elu sendri ya... yg memposisikan diri lu selevel ama wanita yg menjual dirinya?
cuman segitukah harga lu? harga diri lu? harga waktu dan umur lu? harga badan lu? harga masa depan lu?

again, gw bukan ngejudge atau merendahkan lu.. siapapun mo pilih menjadi apapun, terserah dia..
gw ngomong gini supaya lu sndri sadar.. posisi yg elu telah pilih.. dan konsekwensi dr pilihan lu.

"Lelaki baik untuk wanita baik."
tulisan itu sebenernya tuk membuka mata kita soal diri kita sndri.. soal siapa kita, pilihan kita dan konsekwensi dr pilihan itu.

gw ga bilang lu adalah wanita yg ga baik.. tapi yg pasti, elu ga baik ama diri sndri..
knp gw tau itu? karena tidak ada wanita baik yg akan mau dan menerima laki2 tidak baik.
dan yg pasti wanita baik, hidupnya, rtnya, dan suaminya jg baik.. are yours?

pilihan kita dan siapa kita.. baik ato buruknya itu, akan terbukti di kehidupan kita.. kehidupan itu jujur.
kasarnya: miserable ppl will have miserable life.. that simple.

so elu mo berusaha 100kali ampe bolah balik neraka pun.. selama lu tidak memposisikan diri lu sebagai wanita yg baik, lu ga akan mendapatkan laki2 baik.. ga dari suami, ga dari pria manapun.

Self Respect!

org akan memperlakukan kita sesuai dng gmn kita memperlakukan dii kita sndri..
org akan meliat kita sesuai dng gmn kita meliat diri kita sndri..
org akan menghargai kita sesuai dng gmn kita menghargai diri sndri.

hidup itu adalah kepantasan.

nah elu memantaskan diri lu tuk apa/siapa?
elu menghargai diri lu segimana?
menurut lu wanita baik itu apa bu?

gw ga akan pernah ada diposisi lu.. krn gw tau NILAI gw.. gw tuh mahal dan laki gw harus bayar mahal!
dan bayaran yg gw maksud adalah kasih sayang, respect, komitment, loyalitas etc.

pernikahan bukan transaction material.. bukan "a job" dimana gw tuker diri gw dng upah nafkah dr suami... hell no!
marriage is sacred.. so hormati jg apa arti pernikahan.

klo kita meliat dan memperlakukan pernikahan kita sebagai tempat "jual beli".. serendah itu..
ya jng heran klo kita jg akan direndahkan.. jng heran klo kita akan diperlakukan tidak lebih dr skdr "barang"

gw nikah bukan krn duit.. sure suami menafkahin gw.. tapi klo pun gada dia, gw bisa koq nafkahin gw sndri..
dan yg pasti gw ga akan tuker laki gw for all the money in the world.. ditawarin 100billions sekali pun, gw pilih suami!

would you choose the same?
I bet klo ada tawaran segitu, dia mo gantung diri sekalipun lu ga akan peduli Hidden Content
if so, lu jg liat dia hanya sebagai potential atm berjalan.. mana cinta dr lu, yg lu sndri harapkan dr dia?

kalian tuh sama aja.. ngga usah ngomong soal cinta2an di rt kalian.. there's not even respect for each other.
sama2 hanya memikirkan ego dan kepentingan masing2.. "what could I get from her/him" mentalitas.

klo gw stay ama co hanya tuk duit.. mending gw jual diri sekalian.. I could make more thn just jd "istri org" Hidden Content
dan setidaknya jelas posisi/role gw apa di mata tu co.. ga usah harapin cinta or whatever.. business is business.

tapi gw bukan pelacur.. gw adalah seorang istri.. dan posisi gw adalah tuk dimuliakan!
dan tuk mendapatkan itu gw jg harus memuliakan diri sndri.

begitulah gw memposisikan diri gw.. dan itulah jg yg gw dapatkan.

sekarang gw tantang lu tuk berani.. coba lu ngaca dan jujur ama diri sndri.
liat siapa lu, pilihan lu, apa yg lu mau dan apa aja yg lu udah usahakan tuk mendapatkan itu..
dan lu coba liat kedepan.. dng siapa lu skrng.. masa depan apa yg lu akan dapatkan?

gw disini bukan tuk menilai, menjudge atau menghakimi lu.. itu tugas yg sebenernya elu sndri harus kerjakan.
be brave, be honest and be real with ourself.. itu jg klo lu png kehidupan yg "nyata", bukan mimpi doanq.

jujur ya bu.. klo lu masih berpikir sprt skrng.. masa depan lu tuh mengerikan..
you have a husband that disrespect you and your fam.. and lu terima dan biarkan itu?

(I would leave my husband if he dare to disrespect my fam.. no one but me, talk trash about my fam!) Hidden Content

my God, suami lu sekarang aja udah ky gitu.. disaat lu masih muda, cantik, sehat, capable.. dia udah ky gitu?
elu kira tar klo lu dah kriput dia akan "magicly" berubah prince chaming?

siap aja ya tuk ngemis2 receh dr suami dan semakin dihina ama dia dan kelnya.

even disaat sebenernya lu punya power, lu ga pake power lu..
sekarang lu mo tunggu ampe lu bener2 ga punya power lagi?

yg gw tulis skrng ini "common sense" loh bu.. how can you not see it?
krn takut menghadapi kenyataan?

tapi sadar ga sih lu.. klo kenyataan lu dimasa depan bisa akan jauh lebih mengerikan drpd sekarang.

in 10 years when come crying.. org sih paling cuman angkat tangan and ngomong:
"Well told you so! but yeah mo diapain lagi? you have given your best years to him..
sabarin aja dehh.. paling 20thn lg jg it will be all over.. banyakin aja doa spy lebih cepat." Hidden Content

gutluck.

[Sisi]

Aduh sampe ketawa baca paragraf terakhir mak @Hidden Content hahaha
Tapi emang sih pas baca lagi curhatannya aku rolling eyes aja kayak kata mak @Hidden Content soalnya udah panjang lebar dikasih saran ya mbulet disitu2 aja.

Dear mak @Hidden Content
Sekarang aja suami kamu udah ngga bertanggung jawab sebagai seorang suami, kenapa kamu masih pakai excuse takut akan keuangan masa depan ya?
Know your worth. Kl km mau bertahan yah silahkan.. tapi jangan ngeluh2 lagi.

[Calca]

Ladies aku balik lg..kali ini dgn kasus yg laen (yg lalu tentang duit udh agak mendingan skrg dia)

Mau nanya pendapat..apakah gua yg lebay/childish or suami yg keterlalun / ngga tau posisi..

Gini kasusnya:
Sejak jaman kita pacaran dia punya rekan kerja cewek umur 12thn d atas dia dah udh beranak jg. Dia deket banget klo ada gosip kerjaan pasti mreka brdua saling curcol. Kadang mreka makan siang berdua. Kadang si cew dijemput dari suatu tempat untuk ke tmpt kerja or dianterin pulang dari kantor..berduaan.

Abis nikah..hal ini masih berlanjut. Suami ajakin makan siang berduaan so mreka bebas gosipin org2 kantor laen yg mreka ga suka (mreka 1kubu). Gua pernah sesekali diajakin makan bareng mreka. Pernah jg engga.. pdhl rmh kita sebelahan sm kantor.

Saking dketnya..urusan pribadipun dibantuin sm suami. Contoh: cew ini punya bisnis..dibuatin pembukuan sederhana beserta rumus2 excel biar mempermudah. Suatu saat cew ini mau jengukin sodara ke RS jg minta dianterin ditemenin suami berdua. Kadang pas malem kita brdua lg tiduran di ranjang..pernah jg si cew ini tlp buat curcol tentang gosipin hal pribadi temen kantor mreka.

Nah akhirnya aku buka suara bahwa gua keberattan jika dia berduaan aja..gua ngga nyaman.

Suami marah besar dan bilang bahwa dia hanya dianggep teman rasa sodara..sprti keluarga sndiri..dan ngga mungkin lah ada rasa. Jd gua hrs bisa memahami jika mreka pergi berdua pun biasa aja. Intinya gua hrs bisa ngerti!, Jika gua kekeh bhwa dia ga boleh berduaan..dia blg bakal lakuin tp dgn Terpaksa!
Dilanjut dgn dia ngedumel: "huh kenapa jd ngga bisa bebas sih!"
Gua jwb: km kyknya emang blm siap nikah (krna dia jg lom pgn pny anak)

Malemnya gua kepo bukain hapenya dia. Eh ketauan. Dia marah besar dan blg: "MINTA MAAP SKRG! KM LANCANG INJAK HARGA DIRIKU KRNA INI PRIVASI! Istri pun ngga boleh buka2in isi chat!"

Akhir kata kita bertengkar hebat disusul acara gua minggat dr rumah. Merasa ngga dipeduliin perasaan gua sbgai istri.

Oh ya, bokap suami dan bokap si cew itu temen deket bngt udh kyk kluarga memang..dan mreka jg kerjasama urusan kerjaan. Ngga tau dia jd kyk pgn nerusin hubungan baik tsbt or gmn.

Gmn pendapat kalian ladies?

[orangelippen]

@Hidden Content buseett reaksi suamimu berlebihan ya yang soal dirimu buka hp. pacar gue aja kalo gue pegang hp nya malah dia yang kasih tau password nya berapa dan biasa aja padahal gue buka2 WA nya liat siapa aja yang chat dia.

kalo pendapat gue sih, emang dia dari pas pacaran udah temenan sama tuh orang dan dirimu mau nikah sama dia berarti udah tau kalo suami bakal terus temenan sama tuh cewek.

menurut gue cuekin aja sih daripada jadi masalah.

percaya aja sama pak suami.

terus sekarang gimana? masih minggat? pak suami nyariin ga?

[olivivia3]

@Hidden Content
Teman suami yang suka bayarin dia makan bareng itu si Mbak TRS (Teman Rasa Saudara) ini kah?

Maaf, disclaimer dulu, komen gue berikut ini adalah komen yang subjektif dan berasal dari orang yang lumayan insecure ya:
Kalo gue jadi lo, gue juga bakal marah hahaha Hidden Content
soalnya menurut gue di antara suami istri harus ada transparansi Hidden Content

Emang sih kudu respek privacy tapi kalo udah jadi suami istri, menurut gue gak ada hal yang harus ditutup-tutupin.
Menurut gue, kalo gue mau cek ya gpp, suami tau dan gak keberatan.
Tapi ini berlaku sebaliknya, kalo suami mau cek hapeku ya gpp juga.

Kalo prinsipnya suamiku: laki-laki dan perempuan yang heteroseksual gaboleh keluar berduaan, meskipun gak ada rasa, meskipun cuma teman dan "mustahil" jadi suka-sukaan, tetep aja berduaan terus itu bisa menciptakan kesempatan dan celah.
Jadi aku ga pernah boleh keluar berduaan temen cowo, kalo reramean gpp.
(Aku ga menciptakan rule sama ke dia karena dia ga punya temen cewe yang deket ampe bs keluar berduaan, temen deket dia yang cewe: GUE hahahaha)

Kalo dari cerita lo berarti ini kan udah berlangsung lama ya, dari kalian pacaran, lo udah tau dan lo bisa terima (makanya lo nikah sama dia).
Trus yang bikin lo sekarang tetiba keberatan, apa?

[ishtar77]

@Hidden Content
Orang tu beda2, ada yg HP nya nggak boleh dibuka2 sama siapapun, ada yg cuek aja hpnya dipake2 siapapun (pasangan, keluarga, teman, dll), ada yg bolehnya cuma dipinjem pasangan, ada yg bolehnya dipinjem pasangan dan keluarga, dst. Jadi wajar atau nggak ya tergantung orangnya.

Tapi kalo udah nikah ya harus disepakati sama pasangan, mana yg boleh mana yg nggak boleh liat2. Kalo aku sama suami sih boleh2 aja liat2 semua, hp, laptop, ibanking, dompet, gdrive, dll satu sama lain. Saling liat HP sama ibuku juga aku sering, ibuku liat2 HPku, aku liat2 HP ibuku. Mungkin bagi sebagian orang itu nggak wajar, tapi buatku biasa2 aja. Banyak juga pasangan yg saling punya tabungan masing2 yg pasangannya nggak tau, (simpenan istri, uang laki, dll). Nggak bisa disamaratain level wajar setiap orang.

Begitu juga sama kewajaran level temenan sama lawan jenis. Kalo menurutku sih selama nggak curhat2an tentang pasangan, sex, genit2an, atau yg sejenis2 gitu, masih wajar aja temenan sama lawan jenis. Tapi nggak aneh juga kalo ada yg nganggap itu nggak wajar. Jadi ya gimana ya, dikompromikan lah sama suami mana batas yg kamu bisa toleransi dan mana yg nggak. Jangan juga mau ngubah batas toleransimu kalo kamu nggak ikhlas. Stand your ground.

Apalagi memang kalo mereka sudah dekat dari sebelum kalian nikah, ya jelas lebih susah buat mereka mengubah pola temenannya. Ibaratnya, dari dulu kamu kan udah tau, kok baru sekarang nggak terima nya, gitu.

Terus kenapa pake minggat2an sih? Itu malah memperparah pertengkaran lah.

[jjtenno]

@Hidden Content : mak sorry ikutan nimbrung.. karena menurut gw jg aneh.. kalo cuma soal cek2 hp kyny biasa menurut gw.. sorry to say, bukan nuduh or seuzon sama suami kamu.. tapi kalau memang gak ada apa2 yg di tutupin knp harus reaksinya sampe marah besar seperti itu?

Sebelumnya, apakah lu pernah larang2 dia utk cek2 hp lu?
Apa sebelumnya pas masih jaman pacaran, kalian samaaaa sekali gak pernah saling cek2an hp?
Apa kejadian ini baru pertama terjadi and itu pun after merit?

Soalnya kyny wajar org cek2an hp dr jaman masih pacaran Hidden Content
Hmm rumah tangga harusnya saling terbuka mslh apapun sih mak, mau cek hp kek, mau cek rekening kek.. kudu nya dia bebas cek lu, and lu jg bebas cek dia punya..

Soal cewe itu, apa cewe itu gak punya laki mak?
Kok kyny bebas bgt laki nya, kasih aja dia tlp2 laki org tengah malem.. bebasin bgt pergi2 ber2an.. terus soal anter jemput sampe masalah minta tolong anterin kesana kemari, pertanyaan gw, LAKI NYA MANA? Hehe

[olivivia3]

Gue setuju sama Mak @Hidden Content bahwa "rule" tiap pasangan berbeda, makanya tadi gue bilang "menurut gue..." karena kalo gue dari pacaran emang udah bilang ke laki gue "Jadi laki gue artinya kudu mau di cek ya hapenya!" Hidden Content
Jadi seharusnya ini dari pacaran udah keliatan, kalian boleh cek2an hp ato ngga?

Setuju juga soal stand your ground. Kalo lo ga ikhlas tapi dipaksa, nanti jadi bom waktu.
Cepat ato lambat bakal meledak, jadi better diomongin dan dikompromiin enaknya gmn.

[bebechan]

@Hidden Content iyaaa makk makaaasihhh selalu empowering sesama . 😊😊 thank.you for nice sharing.... Aku juga lebih terbuka dan confident.
Btw emak emak lain disini jugaaa keren keren sarannya😭😭 duhh gak usah beli buku self improvement bacaa di fd ajaa😝😝🙏

@Hidden Content
Yang pasti joodoh rejeki udah ada yang atur. Kamu harus percaya itu. Lakukan sesuatu untuk menyelamatkan kebahagiaanmu. Segala sesuatu ada resiko nyaaa apapun itu. Tp jangan korbankan waktumu bt khawatirin hal hal yang belum. Go on ajaaaaa...

Waktu aku ketemu suamiku sekarang aku posisinya masih nganggur .. Dan suamiku kebetulan ada calon lain yang lbh mapan . Saat itu aku mikir apa mau sama aku? Nah pikiran negative itu aku buang. Aku usah cari kerja dann siapaa yg support ak cari kerja? Dia calon suamiku. Wkwkwkw

Yang aku punya apaaa sih.. Mungkin karna aku percaya aku pasti dapet suami/jodoh baik yang bakal terima aku apa adanya. Yang bakal support aku walau aku kurang. Yang bakal tetep di sampingku apapun yang terjadi. Kalau dia pergi dulu yaaaa itu bukan rejeki dan jodohku. Aku harus usaha lagi memperbaiki kehidupan menghargai hal hal yang ada dalam diriku.
Ada kok dulu cowok yang pergi karna aku kurang mapan.. Ya itu hak dia😝 Biarrkan hempaaas berarti bukan jodoh..dan alhmdulilah saat itu aku gak takut kehilangan cowok2 gaje itu karna aku percaya suatu saaat nanti pasti ada jdooh seperti dalam doaku😊

Semoga kamuuu cpettt nemu solusi yaaa aminn😘

[Oki_doki]

Mak @Hidden Content koleksi kata2nya banyak bener yg bikin melek ya, thanks ya mak.
Gw juga bilang ke diri gw sendiri kalo gw gak akan mau mengulangi hal2 yg sudah ibu gw lakukan dulu. Gw harus lebih baik dari dia.
Yg mau gw lakukan adalh mempersiapkan diri untuk perpisahan dgn suami, krn suami gw tipe yg gak bisa terima masalah. Karena Kita emang gk terikat secara hukum, kayak nya mah pisah2 aja deh ya. Tapi sejujurnya gw agak parno dia berbuat macem2 krn dia itu gak ngerti banyak Hal alias dia cuma bisa diajakin ngomong soal makanan, film dsb. Kalo ngomong masalah berat dia bakal suruh gw diem, gw dibilang bawel dsb. Karena emg dari kecil segala2 nya disiapin ama emaknya.
Nah rencana gw mau nge kost dulu, cari tempat Aman, krn kalo gw blg mau pisah, gw takut dia panik dan jadi berbuat nggak2, soalnya dia super pasif, dan gw gak pernah tau isi hati dia.

Kalo dia udh cooling down barulah pertemuan keluarga. Gimana ya yg bagusnya mnrt kalian emak2 disini?