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  1. #3226
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    Mak @Hidden Content sekali lagi makasih ya buat saran2 nya... Walau cuma baca disini, rasanya udh ngajarin gw untuk jadi perempuan tangguh, gw tau butuh proses untuk kearah sana, krn emg gw memble bgt kalo masalah begini.

    Gw udh coba untuk persiapkan hati kalo nanti mngkn keluarga besar kami (kel dia or kel gw sendiri) bilang kalo di "kepercayaan" gw gak boleh cerai lah inilah itulah, biar ajalah, dosanya gw yg tanggung kok, yg ngejalanin gw, cuma dari kel besar dia pasti bakal ribut gede krn emang FIL n MIL nya tipe keluarga yg jaga reputasi bgt, kelihatan dari luar harus bagus, sementara di dalem ya gak bgtu.

    Gw sejak dulu emg gak pernah merasa i deserve better
    man selain suami gw skrg. Jujur aja gw dibesarkan oleh Ibu yg selalu menuntut gw dan kakak2 gw. Nyokap tipe yg gak mau nyekolahin anak2 nya, kalo udh lulus SMA ya udh harus langsung kerja biar kasih duit ke dia, gw sendiri dikuliahin kk pertama gw, dan kk2 gw kuliah pake uang mereka sendiri, krn nyokap gw gak pernah mau terbebani dengan uang kuliah, karena bokap gw meninggal di usia yg relatif masih muda. Setiap kita ada debat sedikit dia langsung tuh mengutuki kita, ibaratnya lo bakal sengsara kalo gak nurut ama kata2 seorang ibu. Kita anak2nya udh kenyang dikutukin. Pun bgtu setiap bulan kita gak pernah absen kasih dia uang Bulanan, dari semua anak2nya. Dan tau gak mak, emak gw itu selalu bilang ke org2, tetangga, sodara2, temen ibadah nya kalo kita semua anak yg buruk, gak pernah kasih uang, dsb. Pdahal Tuhan lah yg tau seberapa tanggung jawab kita ke dia. Jadi kesimpulan nya adalah citra diri gw Dan kk gw udh rusak lah karena itu, dan lingkungan kami tau nya adalah kami itu anak yg sangat buruk sekali perilakunya. Gak masuk akal, tapi bgtulah kenyataan yg ada. Emak gw Jago bgt compare kita sama anak lain, entah kenapa. Jadi emang kami gak punya sosok ibu, dan jujur gw gk tau manisnya punya ibu sprti apa. Itulah mngkn knp gw memble bgt mak, Tapi setelah saran2 diatas, gw udh mulai sadar kalau hidup gw ya trgantung dari gw sendiri. Udh bukan salah emak gw lagi, tapi emg gw hrs memutuskan apa yg trbaik buat hidup gw, dan gw pisah pun sama suami gw, gw rasa dia gak perduli.

    Gw inget waktu dulu gw minta putus sama dia (suami get skrg) dia bilang : ya udh kalo gitu balikin semua uang waktu kita makan bareng, waktu aku kasih kado (dia pernah kasih kado waktu gw ultah) dsb....

    Bodohnya gw ya gw langsung mikir darimana ya gw ganti uangnya, karena dulu gaji gw ngepas bgt dan gw kudu ngasih yang Bulanan ke nyokap yg notabene nya lumayan, karena kalo sekali aja gw absen, dia bakal jutekin gw sebulan. Kk gw pernah setahun gak ngomong ama dia hanya krn beda pendapat sedikit dan uang Bulanan kurang.

    Jadi emang gw bodohnya keterlaluan sih mak. Makanya gw udh capek lah dgn kondisi ini. Gw mau menjelang masa depan yg baru, yg lebih manis.
    Karena buat apa komitmen tanpa perasaan? Apa iya sisa hidup gw, gw habiskan hanya krn komitmen tapi gak ada perasaan?

    Gw belum tau reaksi dia sih kalo gw minta pisah, dia tipe playing victim juga mak, dia tau betul kalo gw tipikal gampang kasihan sama org dan dia suka manfaatin itu.

    Wish me luck ya mak @Hidden Content
    Sekali lagi makasih ya ☺️☺️☺️

  2. #3227
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    Mau nanya nih mak2, mngkin terlalu aneh sih pertanyaan nya, gini :

    Kan selama nikah selama hampir 4 tahun, gw belum punya kartu keluarga bahkan belum urus catatan sipil, alias jadi kami tuh nikah hanya di rumah ibadah aja, secara agama dan KTP ya kita berdua masih single, nikah hanya agama aja.
    Gw udh minta berkali2 di awal menikah (waktu itu masih "jaman pasrah") untuk urus, or gw aja yg urus asal keperluan administratif nya dari pihak dia, dia mau bantu. Dari administratif pihak gw udh ke 2 or 3x nya (lupa antara itu) minta surat ket RT RW, Kelurahan dsb, dan selalu kadaluarsa karena dia susah kerja sama untuk pembuatan akta nikah/cat sipil, dulu gw udh berbusa2 ngomong ya tapi mngkn dia gak anggap ini sbg suatu yg penting bgt, sampe tahun ke 4 ini akhirnya gw memutuskan untuk pisah.

    Yg mau gw tanyaa apakah gw ada urusan administratif lain menyangkut dokumen dsb? Karena KK kita berdua pun masih KK org tua. Di KTP masing2 pun masih "belum kawin".

    Trimakasih mak2 semua.

  3. #3228
    Immigrant olivivia3's Avatar
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    Hai bu @Hidden Content
    So we are back to the same pattern ya, keluarga dia yang suka nyinyir dan remehin lo, termasuk dia juga yang ga berhenti2nya nyinyirin dan ngerendahin lo Hidden Content
    Dulu bayarin STNK dia, dia juga minta dibeliin PS oleh lo, tapi tetep direndahin.
    Sekarang mau keluar ama nyokap dan adek sendiri aja malah dia yang nyinyir, kayak dia ga minta dibayarin ini itu aja haha Hidden Content
    But anyway, kalo gue baca lo juga kayaknya "seneng" ngeladenin dia.

    ibarat kata, dia ngeludah, lo ludahin balik, ujung-ujungnya saling ludah-ludahan aja Hidden Content

    Tapi sebenernya apa yang dia lakukan dan omongin ke lo mestinya lo ga heran juga kan, bukannya memang dari dulu udah begitu?
    Nothing new.
    Suka meremehkan, merendahkan, dan nyinyir ke lo, komplit sampe ke keluarganya juga suka begitu ke lo.

    Emang pas "baikan" itu gimana mak? Ga membahas masalah yang membuat kalian berantemkah? Bahwa lo sakit hati saat direndahin, dikata-katain, dll. Karena kalo ga tegas membahas masalah dan mencari solusi yang enak buat kedua belah pihak demi mempertahankan rumah tangga ya memang pada akhirnya akan kembali ke siklus yang sama.

    Berantemin hal yang sama lagi.

    Kalo referring ke postingan lluvia di atas tadi,
    Yah... It's your choice to stay.

  4. #3229
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content

    cmiiw, tapi kamu mau pisah ya pisah aja, ga ada urusan administratif.
    karena di mata negara, kamu ga lebih dari kumpul kebo Hidden Content yes kamu kawin secara agama, tapi itu ga punya significance secara hukum.

  5. #3230
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content : Gua udah jelasin ke dia, kalo gua ga terima kalo dia suka rendahin gua. Tapi dia janji2 di awal doank ga akan kaya gitu. Tapi ya gitu, kalo lagi badmood, keluar lagi nyinyirnya. Gua juga ngerasa, dia itu orangnya jadi tertutup bgt. Beda sama waktu pdkt/pacaran. Waktu pdkt/pacaran, dia bisa neleponin gua tiap hari. Ada aja yang diceritain. Nah, sesudah nikah, dia jadi tertutup. Gua udah pernah tanya, kenapa ko ga pernah cerita apa2 lagi. Kata dia, ga ada yang perlu diceritain. Gua mau ceritapun, dia gamau dengerin gua.

  6. #3231
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content ngapain sih elo habisin sisa hidup elo ama laki model begini? dia ada gak sih kasih elo kebahagiaan dalam bentu apapun? at least kalo dia ga bisa tanggung jawab urusan duit, at least dia sayang kek ama elo...lah ini juga kaga. Coba deh, elo pikir baik baik ada gak sisi yang positip dari laki elo? kalo ga ada, kayaknya mending elo mikir lagi deh, mau sampe tua apa elo dihina2? Gila aja, bisa bisa elo jadi gila nanti saking stress tekanan batin gara2 laki model begini..

    Sorry ya kalo gw ngomongnya rada sadis, gemes gue ama laki yang cuman bisa nyinyir doang tapi ga punya kelebihan apapun yang bisa dibanggain

  7. #3232
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content : iya, tapi jujur gua takut. takut kalo nanti cerai, siapa yang bisa nafkahin gua, kalo jelek2nya kerjaan gua ga diperpanjang. belum lagi denger omongan orang2. apalagi sifat suami gua yang kaya gitu. kemaren aja pas gua minggat / minta putus pas pacaran, dia sampe nangis2 di depan keluarga besar gua. belum lagi ngancem mau bunuh diri. kan gua jadi stres sendiri bayanginnya.

  8. #3233
    NewcomerCitizen lluvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    Hidden Content
    makasih udah baca tulisan gw Hidden Content

    iya nih masih betah di FD.. dimana lg gw bisa nulis berjilid2 Hidden Content
    ahh I'm just trying to do my part.. to pay it forward and give back for all the wonderful blessing I have received.

    all I want to do is to empower us women.. that we do have a choice.
    I'm tired of seeing women only given advice tuk "sabar" .. and that we should just accept that suffering and sacrifice are part of our fate/role as woman/wife.

    there is so much misery going on in this world.. and many of us have our own personal drama at home..
    and it made me think, why? why is that so?

    especially for women (in this country).. we have so many intelligent and capable women..
    but when it comes to love or marriage, many seems to forget their own power.

    ampe ada pepatah: "Wanita selalu dijajah pria."
    and I dont agree with it.. it's a weak excuse blaming the men..
    kita bisa dijajah krn we allowed it.. krn kita "rela" dijajah.

    sprt belanda dulu berhasil ratusan tahun menguasai kepulauan kita bukan krn belanda negara besar loh ya..
    I know, I've lived there.. di belanda gada apa2nya Hidden Content

    Indonesia berhasil menjadi Indonesia krn kita bersatu and we decided to fight!
    kasarnya we changed from being slaves into warriors.. pdhl the ppl didnt change (physicaly), but their THINKING did.

    itu adalah bukti that the difference in winning or losing adalah mentality & attitude kita sndri..
    it's all in our head.. what we choose to believe and put our faith in.

    btw I'm not hating men here loh ya.. it's not women vs men.. my husband is my fav person Hidden Content
    again, most of the time the enemy is not others.. it's us that limit ourself.

    all we need to start is punya kesadaran itu.. stop giving our power away under the excuse of being a good woman, daughter, wife or mother.
    we can still be all that without having to sacrifice our own happiness, individuality and freedom.

    we all have more power thn we think.. we all have a voice.. we have brains and hearts bigger thn the universe.. use it.

    aniwei.. I wish you well.. all the best and love this life has to offer.. and dont forget to enjoy life!
    every aspect of it.. the mundane and the extraordinary.. the small and the big.. the ups and down..

    ppl who know how to enjoy their time on earth usually dont have room for drama or BS.
    they realize how valuable their time are and that every moments is an opportunity.. so they are grateful and humble.. and they want to make the best of it.
    this are the ppl that are actually living, instead of just surviving.. and living is the key for life.

    if we enjoy life, we'll be a happy person.. and the best we can do for ourself and for others, is to be a happy person..
    they love life, them self and others.. and that love will be return a thousand-fold.. we all get what we give.

    so enjoy your marriage.. enjoy your husband.. enjoy each other..
    enjoy the story that you guys are now creating together..

    and be excited.. now is your chance now to be the person, wife, mother etc you wanna be.. your time to shine! Hidden Content

    "Life, breathtakingly beautiful."


  9. #3234
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    Hidden Content Originally Posted by silversea Hidden Content
    @Hidden Content : iya, tapi jujur gua takut. takut kalo nanti cerai, siapa yang bisa nafkahin gua, kalo jelek2nya kerjaan gua ga diperpanjang. belum lagi denger omongan orang2. apalagi sifat suami gua yang kaya gitu. kemaren aja pas gua minggat / minta putus pas pacaran, dia sampe nangis2 di depan keluarga besar gua. belum lagi ngancem mau bunuh diri. kan gua jadi stres sendiri bayanginnya.
    Urusan rejeki berdoa ma berusaha, pasti Tuhan kasih jalan.
    itu mah cuma drama dr suami mu aja, coba aja kl brani bunuh diri beneran.

  10. #3235
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content gw juga mikir gt mak, karena secara hukum masih single mungkin ya, dan gak mungkinlah gw urus akta cerai, nikah aja belom.
    Kalo ada emak2 punya info yg berkaitan sama masalah ini boleh share ya, aatau kemana ya kira2 kalo Cari info mengenai hal ini?

    Kalo emang gak ada kaitan dengan hukum ya brarti skrg tinggal pembicaraan perpisahan gw aja sama suami ke keluarga besar, Wong gak urus dokumen apapun toh.

    Mak @Hidden Content emang ngajarin buat jadi wanita tangguh banget, tapi gw masih belum bisa sekuat itu 😂😂😂 masih belajar dan berusaha, tapi gw mau melangkah, untuk masa depan gw sendiri, yg lebih baik. Thanks mak..

  11. #3236
    Immigrant olivivia3's Avatar
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    @Hidden Content

    Kalau ini seandainya lo lagi curhat langsung di depan kita dalam sebuah ruangan, gue rasa ada beberapa jenis reaksi:
    1. Yang hembusin nafas panjang, rolling her eyes dan mungkin pergi keluar ruangan
    2. Yang diem aja dan menatap lo dengan iba tapi dalam pikirannya bertanya-tanya kok lo bisa begini
    3. Yang mengguncang-guncang badan lo dengan drama dan ngomong depan muka lo "SADAR DONG BUUKKK!!"
    4. Yang berusaha menyadarkan dengan segudang saran dan nasihat

    Sekarang mungkin kebanyakan yang jenis pertama dan kedua hahaha
    Karena jenis ketiga dan keempat udah muncul di page 187-188 (sekitaran itu kayaknya hasil gue ngubek tadi lol)
    Jadi you can re-read those pages again, ato kalo lo males lo baca aja sharenya mak lluvia di page ini dan page sebelumnya.

    Berhubung lo memilih untuk stay dengan segudang excuses, gue cuma bisa bilang ke lo (referring ke post lluvia tadi):
    Sabar aja yaaaa.... Hidden Content Hidden Content Hidden Content

  12. #3237
    NewcomerCitizen lluvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    Hidden Content
    yes gw png lu jd perempuan tangguh!
    but it's not up to me.. I'm just a cheerleader here Hidden Content

    bukan krn lu deserve it.. tapi krn emg itu adalah hak lu.. hak smua manusia.. to be happy and have a life sesuai yg mrk inginkan.
    BUT again ingat.. dibalik smua hak ada tanggung jawab.. kita tidak bisa menuntut hak kita, klo mengabaikan tanggung jawab kita.

    and your responsibilities is to be the best version of you.. according to your own truths..
    thn and only thn, you will get the best life has to offer.. yg sesuai dng yg lu inginkan.

    I'm sorry to hear about your parents.. yeah mom and dad can messed us up.. "sins of the parents" and bla bla..
    and many will use that as an excuse or justification to be the "loser" they have become .. not offending anyone loh ya, I was one of that loser Hidden Content

    but thn I realize someting very powerful.. LETTING GO & FORGIVENESS.

    gw pernah baca somewhere.. seorang anak blom akan bisa menjadi dewasa, menemukan dan menjadi jati diri dia sndri.. sampe dia bisa melepaskan ortunya.
    arti "melepaskan" ortu di sini bukan hanya dlm arti being independent, kerja, tinggal sndri ato dah nikah ya.. tapi melepaskan secara emotional jg.

    we all love our parents.. but many dont realize (or want to admit) that there are many more emotions we feel towards them..
    and lets be honest, some of it are not good emotions.. like anger, resentment, hurts, disappointment, burden, guilt etc.

    believe it or not, ini tuh wajar!
    there's no such thing as a perfect family.. either mom&dad didnt love us enough, or love us too much.. whatever lahh..
    ortu kita jg manusia dan yg pasti mrk itu tidak sempurna.. they have made mistakes.. and most likely will continue making mistakes as human being and as our parents.

    but as kids, it is hard for us to accept it.. ortu kita adalah segalanya tuk kita (terutama waktu kita kecil, the crucial years of our development)
    they are "Gods" in our eyes.. they are our first introduction to life and love.

    and yes their "teaching" of life and love.. will be the first blueprint on how we think and feel about that subjects.
    sadar ato ngga we all start life by copying our parent.. monkey see, monkey do.

    your mom, well lets put it politely, is a tough woman.. she is hard on her children..
    she does tend to play the blame and guilt cards to get what she wants.. or to justify her feelings and actions..
    (my guess she had her share of her own "sadstories" in the past, that made her the person she is today)

    and dearest.. do you realize that you are mimicking her game?
    if you are not careful.. mskpn tidak 100% sama.. but secara mentalitas and attitude.. you will become like your mother.

    but no worries.. krn sekarang lu udah punya KESADARAN.. about yourself.. who you are and want to be..
    that's a good start.. and that is what you need to keep working on.. pertahankan itu.. dont slip back into your old habits/thinking.

    back to your relationship with your mom.. love is a powerful emotion.. but hate could be more powerful, if we allow it.. if we give power to it..
    I see a lot of "negativity" between you guys.. and those emotions are what keep dragging you down and holding you back.

    often the shackles that restrict our growth and movements.. are our past, our fam, our own fear and thoughts.
    we all have our own personal issues.. dont run from it, or you'll keep running.. deal with it, resolve it.. get it out of your system.

    you need to let go of it.. this is important for your personal growth.
    those emotional baggage and burden will keep you away from "flying the nest"
    you need to let go of the hurts.. and the first step is by trying to forgive your mom.

    stop blaming her, stop looking at her for excuses or justification.. stop giving what she did or still doing, power!
    and start thinking that you are your own woman.. yg lalu ya lalu.. but from now on and in the future.. you are free!

    why is forgiveness so important.. yg tulus or genuine ya.. yg bener2 memaafkan dari lubuk hati, bukan hanya lipservice doanq..
    because it will give you PEACE.. and it will clear your heart from your own past baggage, trauma etc that weigh you down all this time..
    your growth will be faster because you are lighter now.. you will have room for new and better emotions.. that will actually motivate you instead limit you.

    you will have finally room for LOVE.
    and love is everything.. the real power is love.. God is love.. and when we have love, we are with God.
    when you are with God, you are never alone.. you are strong and powerful.. the fear, insecurities, doubts etc will fade away.. we will finally have faith in ourself.

    my relationship with my parent was not easy either.. my dad was an abusive, cheating psycho.. huhuu..
    my mom was the love of my life.. but God's knows she got her share of mental issues.

    so I had to basically raised myself.. and often became the mother for my own mom..
    my who dad who I also loved deeply (because all lil'girl love their dad), was an irresponsible jerk..
    and all this had hurt and scarred me.. inti2nya I had "daddy/mommy issues" Hidden Content

    when they split up and I became older.. I decided to cut all ties with my dad.. I hated him and blamed him for everything..
    and I also grew distant with my mom.. she was emotionally exhausting and many of her actions has caused me to suffer.

    I didint realize it back thn.. during those time I've been living with this black hole in my heart of hate that only grew bigger and bigger.
    and it sucked all the good and positive things that enter.. until there was nothing more than just an empty loneliness, sadness and anger.

    ofcourse I blame my unhappiness on my parents, past, other ppl, sikon etc.. it became this vicious circles.. where negativity feed more on negativity..
    but strangely even tho I was unhappy, I did feel powerful.. because hate can be a powerful emotion.. even more thn love, if we let it.

    Hitler raised to power using hate.. and many others powerful ppl used this tactic.. it's much easier to inspire hate&fear thn love&hope.
    and ppl buy into this.. sure Hitler was evil.. but there were thousands that supported his ideology and millions of ppl that allowed him.

    many of us are attracted or cling on to negative emotion.. why, because it's easier?
    easier to blame others.. thn actually taking personal responsibility and accoutability.
    easier to give into fears.. thn thinking we can do be better and thn actually have to do better.

    negativity, it sells.. but there's other way loh ternyata.. we do have a choice..

    forgiveness is hard.. especially forgiving our parents..
    and perhaps it kinda sounds arrogant.. "maafin ortu? huh kesannya ky anak durhaka yg ga tau berterimakasih.. anak kurang ajar lu!" Hidden Content

    no child want to be anak durhaka.. so the option of forgiving their parents doesnt even cross their mind.. mskpn sebernya they need it..
    the truth is.. we all can pretend to be the good daughters/son all we want.. but if our hearts doesnt feel that way.. we will always be conflicted.

    so start being honest.. mskpn akan di kutuk or whatever Hidden Content
    ga usah honest ke ortu langsung if you can do it.. but jujur aja dulu ke diri sndri..

    "Yes my parent was or still is this and that.. and I'm not wrong or durhaka to feel that way..
    and this and that has affect or impact me so and so.. so now what?
    do I want to continue blaming and hating them in my heart.. or do I choose to let go and forgive?
    which option will benefit me the most? what do I choose now?"

    forgiveness is not about membenarkan mrk yg salah ya.. it's not about saying "oh what you did was ok.".. salah ya tetep salah..
    but it's about letting go.. letting go of that toxic that has been eating away your soul.. letting go of that power they had over you..
    letting go of the past.. so you can move on with your future.

    as much I think "I am right" and my parents were wrong.. it didnt made me happy.
    and tho I thought I was strong.. but really I was weak.. I was not the person I could be.. that was not the best version of me.

    life is about evolving.. evolving adalah hukum alam.. see all around you.. bukan manusia aja, all of nature is about progression or regression..
    so in life we've two choices where to go.. do we grow or wither? do we go forward or go back? standing still is not an option.

    we have our individual evolving to do.. but we also need to remember that in the grand scheme of things, we are just another version of our previous generation..
    anggap manusia itu adalah software.. nenek moyang kita adalah version 1.0.. dan ortu kita adalah versi 100.1.. we as their kids are version 100.2

    dan klo ngomong secara logika.. versi mana yg seharusnya lebih bagus, yg lebih terupdate and lesser bugs? our parents of us?
    seharusnya yg newer lebih bagus ya drpd yg older.. but sadly yg newer malah sering kali yg less stable, got newer bugs etc.

    why? because many of us dont work on improving our version.
    we are so hung up on what we think we are, because who our parents are/were.. all we do is copying them.. sadar ga sadar ya..
    instead what we actually should be doing.. and those are "bug-fixing" and evolving to become a better version.

    klo ortu kita banyak "bugs" nya.. itu wajar.. they are the older version.. and there's nothing we can do about it juga..
    but klo kita "versi terbaru", masih sama kacaunya ky mrk.. or become worst.. that our own fault!

    sadarin that each version of software have their own "programmer"
    kita bukan progammer ortu kita (we cant change them).. and ortu kita jg programmer software kita..
    sure they gave us the basic.. here's the old codes etc.. but after that, it is up to us!

    we dont need to stick to old outdated codes.. klo ga suka, klo berantakan.. rombak, write new rules, codes etc!
    be different, it's ok.. harus malah.. what's the point klo sama? just repeating the same things over and over again?


    ..bersambung ke bawah

    "Life, breathtakingly beautiful."


  13. #3238
    NewcomerCitizen lluvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    Hidden Content
    ..sambungan dr atas

    "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.

    the society is where it's today, because ppl keep choosing old stupid ways and thinking.. krn "ortu kita know better!" ..that BS!
    I'm not saying the older generation dont have wisdom, but they dont have all the answer jg.. if they did, dunia udah jadi surga Hidden Content

    humanity havent really evolved that much.. sure our technology has advanced.. but mentally, emotionally and ethically.. we still have poverty, crime, injustice etc.
    that's prove that the generation before us, havent got it 100% right yet.. there's still room for improvement..
    so it's not wrong, it's wise malah.. if we choose to do things slightly different now.

    the point of our existence is to evolve.. to become better.. by changing.. and changing adalah hukum alam.
    and you dont even have to change all the world.. all you need to do is change "your world"
    if everyone do that.. can you imagine the collective change we can have to the world?

    I know tulisan gw kemana2.. huhuhu.. all I want to let ppl know is the tremendous power we all have (as an individual and as a collective)
    if we choose it.. choose to use it and use it correctly.

    sadly many still chose wrong.. and I'm not here to preach about what is wrong or right..
    kita smua berbeda, we all have our own unique journey.. I'm not here to impose my will on others.. you do you!

    but if your journey is making you unhappy or bringing you misery.. that should be a clear WARNING sign that you are on the wrong path..
    dont ignore it.. if you do and you crash and burn.. it would have been your choice.

    so take notice, be honest and listen to that lil' voice of "unhappiness" inside you..
    it's there not to blame or judge you koq.. it's just telling you that someting is wrong..
    perhaps this life you've chosen isnt the right choice for you? so how about making new choices?

    your mom and fam will always be a big part of your life.. but they are not your life.. not who you are.

    I'm eternally grateful for my mom.. even my dad.. not only because they gave me life..
    itu kan yg biasanya org bilang.. "ortu lu dah kasih lu nyawa, berterima kasih!" Hidden Content

    nahh.. klo pun bukan dr mrk, somehow if God's willing, pasti gw akan nongol koq di dunia ini.. life will always find a way.. hihihi..
    I'm grateful because mskpn mrk ga sempurna.. I know, I choose to believe.. dng segala kekurangan mrk, they did tried their best..
    and that, should be good enough for me.. that is all I need to start.. the rest is up to me now.

    dan justru krn bagus dan jelek mrk.. they have been my biggest most important teachers.
    their lives has been an real life examples for me.. the person they are, their actions and the consequences that comes from it.

    they have their lives.. now I have mine.. and in my life, I've decide to take the good things and improve the bad..
    I'll take my mom smile, cheerfulness, generosity, optimism, free-spirit and fearlessness.. I'll leave her lebayness and mental instability..
    I'll take my dad intellect, charm, strength, willpower and ketegasan.. and I'll leave his temper and sociopath tendencies.. huhuhu..

    it was perfect.. it is perfect.. my parent are perfect as they are.. it is as it meant to be..
    I am humble and grateful.. if it wasnt for them there will be no lluvia.. well not the lluvia we know and love today Hidden Content

    perhaps if I got a different parent, I would have became a different lluvia.. perhaps better or worst lluvia.. but life is not about "what if.."
    it is what it is.. "It's not about the cards you're dealt, but how you play the hand."

    they have teach me how to be or not to be.. what I want and dont want.
    the good and bad in this world.. I have seen them tru my parent eyes.. in how they've lived their lives and stories.
    and I'll learn from the bad stuffs.. so I dont have to experience it or make the same mistakes as they did.

    really, what more could you ask for?

    my parents also didnt finance my college education.. no brother/sister of other relatives that would sponsor me..
    did that makes things harder for me? sure.. but now I think about it.. I'm grateful for the opportunity to have been able to prove myself.
    it was just another life challenge to overcome and learn from.. and it made me stronger (and hopefully wiser)

    and my life turn out alright koq.. great malah!
    in comparison.. when my mom was my age now.. she was a single mother struggling to raise 2 kids..
    while I now have it much better than she had.. that is prove that she raised a daughter that can become better that she was!
    that despite her imperfections, she did raised me well.. and did her job as my mother.

    it's all about perspective and point of view.. and again, how we see things.. those are our own choices to make also.
    the way we choose to see our parents and fams.. which is basically our foundations, our world.. will be also be the foundations how we see everything else.

    gw ga punya anak.. but I imagine if I do have one, I would make many stupid mistakes too..
    God, she/he will probably be a more annoying brat thn I was.. and still am Hidden Content

    but I hope that my kid know that I do try my best.. because I do believe all mothers do their best.. the best they know how..
    and for all my flaws, I hope they forgive me and learn from it.. so they can be the next newer and better version.. and so on.

    there's nothing more my mom can give me.. dng arti she has done her job.. I can fly on my own now.. and I am.
    so gw jg tidak akan meminta atau menuntut apa2 lg dr beliau.. mau itu past, present of future.. what's done is done..
    all there is left to love each other.. unconditionally like she loves me.. I owe her that.. no, I want that.. and I chose to do just that.

    it's a selfish reason.. for me love is a much better emotion thn hate, irritation or whatever lah we sometimes feel for our parents Hidden Content
    and I want to be the kinda person that is capable to at least be loving, kind and positive about my own parent..
    if I preach love, I need to walk the talk.

    bukan berarti gw harus slalu nurut, patuh ato setuju ama beliau ya.. hey I still agree to disagree with her 99% of the time Hidden Content
    but no matter what, we always love each other.. she is my mom, no matter how cray cray she can be.. hihihi..

    my dad has passed away.. so itu sih udah done deal juga.. but I'm glad that I forgave him and mended our relationship while he was still alive..
    so I have no regretz.. as his child I've done my part.. I've showed him, mskpn he didnt raised me.. but what darah daging dia berhasil lakukan..
    and that is to be a better version of him.. sure we still had our "butting-heads moments", but I know he was very proud of me.. because I was me, lluvia, my own person.. and I did well.

    we cant really choose who our parents are.. but we can choose the relationship we have with them.

    our parents is our first life lessons in love, forgiveness and growing up..
    they're a measurement chart yg bisa mengukur capabilitas dan kedewasaan kita and where we are in life..
    bukan ortu kita yg mengukur kita, dimata mrk kita akan slalu diliat sebagai anak kecil mrk.. tapi kita sndri yg bisa mengukur (klo kita sadar)

    it's normal to blame our parent if we are still a kid.. children dont have the power..
    but if an adult is still doing that.. artinya apa?

    klo kita blom bisa "lulus" the test with our parent.. if we still have many hang-ups about them..
    it will be very difficult tuk bisa jalanin the next fase of our life.. and that is having romantic love, marriage etc..
    because basically we will still think and act like a child.. we havent really grow up yet.

    our relationship with our parents is our FIRST LOVE.
    and like most first love, is big.. is impactful, sometimes even heartbreaking.. it can set the tone/course for the rest of our love life..
    tapi klo kita mau bisa move on ke cinta yg selanjutnya.. dng pemikiran yg lebih sehat dan dewasa.. we have to be able to learn from it and let go.

    jng masih stuck ama "mantan" juga Hidden Content
    forgive mantan kita mskpn dia dah tinggalin kita kawin ma org lain.. show them we can do better.
    the best "revenge" is living well.

    so ber-damai lah.. iklaskan..
    let go.. its simple.. just let go of the trauma, drama and karma BS.. enough no more.. you have no more power over me!

    and you'll find hidup ini akan terasa lebih ringan.. and everything will look brighter and clearer..
    when you raised your perspective and point of view.. your level in life will also rise.

    jadilah org yg berhati dan berjiwa besar.. dimulai dng ortu kita sndri..
    you, be the parent you wished to have when you was a kid..

    masih ingat pertanyaan org waktu kita kecil dulu: "Klo dah gede mo jadi apa?"
    now is your chance.. to be the kinda person you liked, admire, respected, wanted to be.. be that person!

    whenever I sliped back into my old negative thinking.. it's easy to fall back into negativity.. the darkside is always tempting Hidden Content
    I'll look and say at myself: "Come on lluvia, remember the person you want to be.. this is not you.. you are better!"
    stop thinking of what the pain has done to me.. but how despite the pain, I'm still standing.. I am greater thn my ups and downs.

    I wont give my demons any room to grow.. I wont feed them..
    the child in me, the lil' lluvia.. will always remind me.. of the adult I want to be.. choose to be..
    and that's to be happy beautiful ppl.. now it's my chance to be just that.. and I can.. I'm actually doing it! Hidden Content

    isnt life amazing?!

    there's noting more satisfiying thn to be able to wake up every morning feeling truly free, grateful and just loving your life, yourself and those around you..
    and that joy of living, I wish it for everybody.. we all share what we have.. when what we have is love, that's what we'll share to the world.. and that what you'll get back.

    gutluck bu Hidden Content

    "Life, breathtakingly beautiful."


  14. #3239
    NewcomerCitizen lluvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    Hidden Content
    hahahaha.. bisa aja lu Hidden Content

    well lemme see.. in real life, I'll probably choose option 1
    mending gw ngopi2 cantik.. dprd buang2 nafas.. helping someone that doesnt wanna listen..
    but if the person is a close friend or adek gw.. paling gw tabokin pk sendal sekalian spy sadar Hidden Content

    but I do have someting to say to Hidden Content
    take it or leave it ya bu.. kita disini hanya png membantu.. but it's all up to you Hidden Content

    so this is your situation:

    - lu bertahan dng laki lu krn dng harapan jika seandainya suatu saat lu ga berpenghasilan, dia akan nafkahin lu?
    - lu berharap jika saat keadaan lu menjadi lebih buruk drpd skrng, dia akan bertanggung jawab menghidupi lu?

    itu diatas adalah HARAPAN lu ya.. nah sekarang kita ngomong FAKTA yg udah jelas:

    - sekarang aja saat elu masih ada kerjaan, suami lu sikap nya udah jelek ky gitu.
    - sekarang aja dia udah jadi suami yg ga nafkahin dan ga bertanggung jawab.
    - sekarang aja dia (dan kel dia) udah cari2 alasan tuk ngerendahin dan mengekang lu.

    nahh menurut fakta yg ada sekarang, harapan lu tuk suami di masa depan masuk akal ga?
    gimana kemungkinan besar sikap dia klo elu dah ga punya dan bisa apa2?

    so lu berharap sesuatu yg baik akan terjadi dimasa depan..
    kpd seorang lelaki yg sekarang aja udah terbukti ga baik?

    sorry bu.. gw bener2 mencoba to say thing nicely.. but really?!!
    lu sndri bisa liat ga klo "itung2an" lu tuh ga masuk akal?
    elu mimpi ato mabok?
    pemikiran lu diatas mnrt gw udah cukup "naive".. (and that's politely put) Hidden Content
    tapi yg lebih blow my mind adalah.. lu sadar gimana lu memposisikan dan menghargai diri lu sndri?

    kita smua punya alasan kita masing2 lah kenapa kita menikah atau bertahan dlm pernikahan..
    and gw ga mau judge itu.. tapi sadarin satu hal yg penting:

    kita bebas memilih.. tapi kita tidak bebas dari konsekwensi pilihan kita!

    smua pilihan kita akan ada konsekwensinya... sebab akibat.

    ok skrng kita ngomong soal PILIHAN LU dan KONSEKWENSI dr pilihan lu itu:

    elu adalah seorang istri yg memilih tuk bertahan dng suami krn mengharapan suatu saat setidaknya akan ada yg bisa nafkahin lu..
    kesimpulan gw ya: pilihan lu krn UUD (Ujung-Ujungnya Duit)

    so elu bersedia tuker kebahagian lu, waktu dan tenaga lu, umur lu dan masa depan lu, dan badan lu.. tuk duit?
    dan mengingat sikap/karakter suami lu.. itu duit yg blom tentu lu akan dapetin jg!

    sekarang aja laki lu pelit dan masih porotin lu.. gimana nanti coba?
    what yg penting lu bisa makan? dia kasih lu indomie ama atap doanq bagi lu akan cukup?
    ehh drpd gitu, sini kerja ama kel gw aja gmn.. ada yg butuh babysitter.. setidaknya lu akan digaji dan ga harus tidur ama siapa2 Hidden Content

    it this all just about money? or "financial securities"
    ngelamar jadi pns aja napa? dapet pensiun loh.. tuh pilihan yg lebih masuk akal klo mau png punya "financial safety-net"

    klo lu bertahan ama suami hanya krn itung2an duit.. do you know what that makes you?

    maaf ya bu.. kita ngomong blak2an aja.. seorang pelacur aja dibayar tuk jasanya.. dan bayaran itu pasti (bukan harapan ato impian)
    dan dia hanya harus kasih badannya doanq.. dia ga harus terima dikata2in ama clientsnya.. ato stay ama dia seumur hidup.

    seorang pelacur akan diperlakukan sprt seorang pelacur.. sama sprt seorang dokter misalnya akan diperlakukan sprt dokter.. etc..
    itu adalah akibat (konsekwensi) dr role (posisi) yg mrk telah pilih.

    elu adalah seorang ISTRI.. salah satu posisi yg paling terhormat.. di mata masyarakat, di mata negara, bahkan di mata Tuhan.
    tapi kenapa, elu sendri ya... yg memposisikan diri lu selevel ama wanita yg menjual dirinya?
    cuman segitukah harga lu? harga diri lu? harga waktu dan umur lu? harga badan lu? harga masa depan lu?

    again, gw bukan ngejudge atau merendahkan lu.. siapapun mo pilih menjadi apapun, terserah dia..
    gw ngomong gini supaya lu sndri sadar.. posisi yg elu telah pilih.. dan konsekwensi dr pilihan lu.

    "Lelaki baik untuk wanita baik."
    tulisan itu sebenernya tuk membuka mata kita soal diri kita sndri.. soal siapa kita, pilihan kita dan konsekwensi dr pilihan itu.

    gw ga bilang lu adalah wanita yg ga baik.. tapi yg pasti, elu ga baik ama diri sndri..
    knp gw tau itu? karena tidak ada wanita baik yg akan mau dan menerima laki2 tidak baik.
    dan yg pasti wanita baik, hidupnya, rtnya, dan suaminya jg baik.. are yours?

    pilihan kita dan siapa kita.. baik ato buruknya itu, akan terbukti di kehidupan kita.. kehidupan itu jujur.
    kasarnya: miserable ppl will have miserable life.. that simple.

    so elu mo berusaha 100kali ampe bolah balik neraka pun.. selama lu tidak memposisikan diri lu sebagai wanita yg baik, lu ga akan mendapatkan laki2 baik.. ga dari suami, ga dari pria manapun.

    Self Respect!

    org akan memperlakukan kita sesuai dng gmn kita memperlakukan dii kita sndri..
    org akan meliat kita sesuai dng gmn kita meliat diri kita sndri..
    org akan menghargai kita sesuai dng gmn kita menghargai diri sndri.

    hidup itu adalah kepantasan.

    nah elu memantaskan diri lu tuk apa/siapa?
    elu menghargai diri lu segimana?
    menurut lu wanita baik itu apa bu?

    gw ga akan pernah ada diposisi lu.. krn gw tau NILAI gw.. gw tuh mahal dan laki gw harus bayar mahal!
    dan bayaran yg gw maksud adalah kasih sayang, respect, komitment, loyalitas etc.

    pernikahan bukan transaction material.. bukan "a job" dimana gw tuker diri gw dng upah nafkah dr suami... hell no!
    marriage is sacred.. so hormati jg apa arti pernikahan.

    klo kita meliat dan memperlakukan pernikahan kita sebagai tempat "jual beli".. serendah itu..
    ya jng heran klo kita jg akan direndahkan.. jng heran klo kita akan diperlakukan tidak lebih dr skdr "barang"

    gw nikah bukan krn duit.. sure suami menafkahin gw.. tapi klo pun gada dia, gw bisa koq nafkahin gw sndri..
    dan yg pasti gw ga akan tuker laki gw for all the money in the world.. ditawarin 100billions sekali pun, gw pilih suami!

    would you choose the same?
    I bet klo ada tawaran segitu, dia mo gantung diri sekalipun lu ga akan peduli Hidden Content
    if so, lu jg liat dia hanya sebagai potential atm berjalan.. mana cinta dr lu, yg lu sndri harapkan dr dia?

    kalian tuh sama aja.. ngga usah ngomong soal cinta2an di rt kalian.. there's not even respect for each other.
    sama2 hanya memikirkan ego dan kepentingan masing2.. "what could I get from her/him" mentalitas.

    klo gw stay ama co hanya tuk duit.. mending gw jual diri sekalian.. I could make more thn just jd "istri org" Hidden Content
    dan setidaknya jelas posisi/role gw apa di mata tu co.. ga usah harapin cinta or whatever.. business is business.

    tapi gw bukan pelacur.. gw adalah seorang istri.. dan posisi gw adalah tuk dimuliakan!
    dan tuk mendapatkan itu gw jg harus memuliakan diri sndri.

    begitulah gw memposisikan diri gw.. dan itulah jg yg gw dapatkan.

    sekarang gw tantang lu tuk berani.. coba lu ngaca dan jujur ama diri sndri.
    liat siapa lu, pilihan lu, apa yg lu mau dan apa aja yg lu udah usahakan tuk mendapatkan itu..
    dan lu coba liat kedepan.. dng siapa lu skrng.. masa depan apa yg lu akan dapatkan?

    gw disini bukan tuk menilai, menjudge atau menghakimi lu.. itu tugas yg sebenernya elu sndri harus kerjakan.
    be brave, be honest and be real with ourself.. itu jg klo lu png kehidupan yg "nyata", bukan mimpi doanq.

    jujur ya bu.. klo lu masih berpikir sprt skrng.. masa depan lu tuh mengerikan..
    you have a husband that disrespect you and your fam.. and lu terima dan biarkan itu?

    (I would leave my husband if he dare to disrespect my fam.. no one but me, talk trash about my fam!) Hidden Content

    my God, suami lu sekarang aja udah ky gitu.. disaat lu masih muda, cantik, sehat, capable.. dia udah ky gitu?
    elu kira tar klo lu dah kriput dia akan "magicly" berubah prince chaming?

    siap aja ya tuk ngemis2 receh dr suami dan semakin dihina ama dia dan kelnya.

    even disaat sebenernya lu punya power, lu ga pake power lu..
    sekarang lu mo tunggu ampe lu bener2 ga punya power lagi?

    yg gw tulis skrng ini "common sense" loh bu.. how can you not see it?
    krn takut menghadapi kenyataan?

    tapi sadar ga sih lu.. klo kenyataan lu dimasa depan bisa akan jauh lebih mengerikan drpd sekarang.

    in 10 years when come crying.. org sih paling cuman angkat tangan and ngomong:
    "Well told you so! but yeah mo diapain lagi? you have given your best years to him..
    sabarin aja dehh.. paling 20thn lg jg it will be all over.. banyakin aja doa spy lebih cepat." Hidden Content

    gutluck.

    "Life, breathtakingly beautiful."


  15. #3240
    Citizen Sisi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Konsultasi: Problematika dengan suami Part 2

    Aduh sampe ketawa baca paragraf terakhir mak @Hidden Content hahaha
    Tapi emang sih pas baca lagi curhatannya aku rolling eyes aja kayak kata mak @Hidden Content soalnya udah panjang lebar dikasih saran ya mbulet disitu2 aja.

    Dear mak @Hidden Content
    Sekarang aja suami kamu udah ngga bertanggung jawab sebagai seorang suami, kenapa kamu masih pakai excuse takut akan keuangan masa depan ya?
    Know your worth. Kl km mau bertahan yah silahkan.. tapi jangan ngeluh2 lagi.

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